*pew pew*

For those not, as the children say, in the know, *pew pew* is the sound ones makes while making shooting motions with one's hands, in order to indicate some sort of victory or coolness on the part of...one.

My sentence got a little garbled there.

BUT, some of you sharp readers may have suspected that my *pew pew*ing currently IS ALSO A PUN. Regarding that stupid Pew quiz about various world religions. 'Cause yeah, I served that quiz some massive ownage, but I see little reason to be proud of that, because it's idiotically simple and I feel bad for all the religious types who didn't do as well as my shining 15/15. Apparently everyone is in a snit of defensiveness, if they're religious types who aren't among the religious types who did well overall--Jews and Mormons--and I guess the atheists are gloating because they know more about Christianity than Christians do.

As a former Mormon and a current sort-of atheist (the term I really feel applies to me is "apatheist" but we'll set that aside for the sake of clarity), I am completely unsurprised by all of this. OF COURSE Mormons know plenty about other sects of Christianity, given that a) most of them are trained to go off and be missionaries in foreign climes, including places heavy in Baptists, and b) most of LDS dogma and ceremonies are ganked from some other Christian group anyway (and the Masons). Jewish people tend to be smart in general (which of course is a great blanket statement, but I can't really speak on that topic because I am not and have never been Jewish. Most of the Jewish folks I know are freakin' informed, though). As far as atheists go, OF COURSE a minority group of any kind is going to read up on the majority group, especially if that majority group feels about the minority the way that most Christians feel about atheists.

Also unsurprising is the apparent fact that many Christians don't bother to read their own holy book. Der. I, being a former Mormon, have read the entire damned King James Bible plus all of the LDS scriptures, and found the questions on the quiz concerning the Bible to be laughable. I was expecting begats or the name of the (totally awesome) woman who staked an enemy leader's head to the ground or SOMETHING HARD. NOT who led the damn Israelites out of Egypt. Srsly? DREAMWORKS MADE AN ANIMATED FILM ABOUT IT (can I hear the Prince of Egypt love? Yeah! Moses was kinda hot in that movie). Oh yeah, Charlton Heston too. /Metatron I mean really, let's get something out of the way right now: if you claim yourself as some stripe of Christian and you don't know that "do unto others as you would have done unto yourself" isn't one of the Ten Commandments, give me your Christian card NOW.

Predictably, miffed Christians, embarrassed by their own lack of knowledge, blame public education for not teaching religion in schools. I assume they mean a course like "world religion" but forgive me for suspecting an ugly subtext. Personally, I'd love to see more comparative religion classes taught in public schools--they could easily be incorporated into social studies courses. Of course, then kids would learn about religions other than White Christianity and maybe start studying Judaism or Buddhism or, baby Jeebus forbid, Wicca! See? SUBTEXT. I guess a "Bible as Lit" class in high schools would be beyond the pale, since it would encourage discussion of authorial intent, likely culminating in the agreement that God is a psychopath and the Bible is overall a shitty piece of literature with completely uneven style. It's clear that the majority religion doesn't REALLY want any sort of nasty comparative religions course--they just want their brats to learn about Christianity. In school.

Moreover, the last question on the quiz--which most people regardless of religious affiliation missed--indicates that religious studies are not the only thing lacking in the noodles of America. History needs to be taught better, too! WELL DUH. America at large doesn't care for history, or at least it doesn't like to think about portions of our history which are unsavory (which is why you see challenges to To Kill a Mockingbird and Huckleberry Finn so often. White people don't care about whether the word "nigger" is offensive to blacks, they mostly just care about not looking bad), and this shows. Americans at large are woefully ignorant of world history, but we also know nothing about our own, not even White Christian history.

People. The phrase "The Great Awakening" should REALLY mean something to you if you're of some Christian denomination. Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God is a bona fide classic of colonial-era literature and it is the gold standard for every fucking fire-and-brimstone sermon any megachurch idiot has hurled at his audience. Maybe the creators of the Pew quiz put this question in to be assholes, but either way, the evidence is clear: history (and literature, since I didn't learn about Jonathan Edwards until I took an early American lit class in college) needs to be taught. The citizens of a country should be familiar with as many parts of its history as possible, and hopefully they should ALSO be taught to give a shit about other countries' histories too, because let's face it: the bulk of the non-reading types who got the questions about Islam and Hinduism correct were lucky at guessing. Knowing that Pakistan is next to India isn't going to do you a lick of good if you don't know anything ELSE about Pakistan and the only thing you know about India is that lots of Indians are Hindu.

Mostly this quiz gives me a bad case of Doppel!Willow.

("Bored now")

Not only did it not stretch my brain, but the whole shebang didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Most Americans are ignorant. Most Christians never bother to crack a book, even the Bible. I do have one quibble about the quiz, though--the penultimate question is about the concept of nirvana. The correct answer is Buddhism, but I'd forgive someone for choosing Hinduism, given that Hindu philosophy does cover nirvana. It has a different meaning, but still. I thought this question was badly worded. Then again, for most people "nirvana" just refers to a crappy grunge band, so what am I bitching about?

HART attack

Bad puns, hooray!

Anyway. Around this time last year, my dear faithful Honda Civic hatchback (vintange 1990) finally gave up and died on me. At the time my bank account was drained on account of some unfortunate dental occurrences (don't forget to floss, kids! OTHERWISE YOU WILL HAVE A ROOT CANAL), and I don't have any credit cards, so I consigned myself to riding the bus until I could save up for a used car.

This meant two things: the University of South Florida's shuttle system, which has reasonable reach (it goes off-campus to Walmart, the mall, and a few other plazas), and the Hillsborough County Regional Transit's bus system, which goes throughout Tampa Bay and surrounding suburbs. The HART buses cover a ton of area, which is good, but are HIDEOUSLY underbudgeted and my conclusion after using HART for nearly a year is that Hillsborough County hates poor people.

Duh, Diana! you say. EVERYONE hates poor people! True. But experiencing it is a whole 'nother ball of wax. HART has over 30 mainstream bus lines; count in the flex routes and paratransit and it edges close to 60. (I think) there are 6 main transfer centers where the routes connect, as well as 4 Park-N-Ride centers throughout the county. 16 of these routes provide late-night service. There are some really good things about HART--free or reduced fares for students with valid ID, bilingual services, a variety of passes (1-day, 5-day, month-long, etc.), but the simple fact that on the bulk of the lines, a bus comes along ONCE EVERY HOUR mostly cancels out the good. If you miss that bus, you're screwed (and not in the I-want-to-hear-you-UPBEAT! "WE'RE SCREWED!" way). If you had a connecting bus to catch, you're doubly screwed. Might as well walk, because you're going to be late anyway.

So basically, in my year of public transportation use (which I admit is not a long time), I grew convinced that the people in charge of our public transit really do hate the poor. "Poor" in this case means "anyone without a car". And I realize that this attitude is really an American one at large, not just a Tampon one ("Tampons" are what citizens of Tampa are called. "Tramps" is also used)--you're walking? you're waiting at a bus stop? YOU MUST BE POOR YOU POOR PERSON WITHOUT A CAR. 'Cause you know, walking is for hobos. Public transportation is for plebes. GAH. Spare me. Maybe in the big American cities this is not the attitude (surely NYC and San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, etc. smile kindly upon those who wish to remain carless), but we are in the parochial hell that is Florida. Here, walking along a street means you are a) homeless or b) a hooker. Dig if you will an image of me sitting at the neighborhood bus stop sometime in May:

Diana: *reads, checks watch*

Dude in car: Hey, let me give you a ride.

Diana: Actually, I'm waiting for the bus.

Dude: So let me give you a ride.

Diana: Are you a BUS? NO? NO RIDE THEN RUN ALONG

I mean really. I got more catcalls, yelling and whistling, rude remarks, and slowing-your-car-to-pace-me when I was walking everywhere and waiting for buses than in the last four years of college.

Know what else bites? The stops themselves. I will hazard a guess that between my home stop and my work stop, there were roughly forty bus stop locations going one way. Out of that, perhaps one quarter were covered. Maybe half were stone or wooden benches rather than plastic ones. PLASTIC BENCHES, people. PLASTIC. IN FLORIDA. You will fry your ass off sitting on one of those. Also, this is Florida...As Eve would say, We have weather. A non-covered stop is a bitch during the rainy season (which, hello? February through October). But come on--only poor people use the bus system! Who cares if they get wet? Their clothes are crappy anyway! Who cares if they get sunburned and develop skin cancer? They're going to die of heart failure by the time they're thirty anyway! Poor people and their terrible eating habits!

Ok, that is another post entirely.

Something else that grates my cheese is that lots of lovely suburbanites in Carrollwood and New Tampa are trying to get rid of the light-rail initiative in our area. That's right, rich white people who've never used public transportation in their sorry lives. What use have they for light rail? Why should the county pour money into something THEY'LL never use? And other whitepeopleproblems.

BURN THIS BOOK

Happy Banned Books Week, everyone! I love Banned Books Week. I don't love that it has to happen, because its mere existence speaks to the profound idiocy of some people in our fair country, but I love celebrating it and read-outs and buttons and awesome displays in libraries and bookstores.

(don't be a robot! Or at least be a robot who reads)

I encourage my dear readers to engage with some awesome book this week. Lists of frequently-challenged and banned books can be found at ALA, and here are some of the titles I'll be bringing to my library's read-out on Wednesday:

+The Lorax, Dr. Seuss

+The Chocolate War, Robert Cormier

+Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain

+Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson

+Beloved, Toni Morrison

+Bridge to Terabithia, Katherine Paterson

+A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving

+Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, John Berendt

+In the Night Kitchen, Maurice Sendak

There's really a title for everyone, kids and adults alike, no matter what genre or format you prefer. Remember: free people read freely. Take advantage of your opportunity to expand your mind.

Librarians vs rock stars

I am a librarian. NEWS FLASH OK NOT REALLY. However, the Bronte sisters and their amazing bank of literature, present an interesting dilemma. Librarian or rock star? Emily or Charlotte? Cathy and Heathcliff or Jane and Rochester? See, the trouble here stems from my other identity: degree-carrying English literature snob. I can appreciate both Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre for their LITERARY merits: I love WH because of its complex set-up and balls-deep characterization and I love JE for its sympathy to women and balls-deep characterization.

I hope I'm the first to use the phrase "balls-deep characterization" when referring to Bronte writing. That would be awesome to put on my resume.

Anyway, the point is that I am not sure most degreed English lit snobs would go out of their way to choose between Charlotte and Emily's most famous books. Sure, I hate Cathy and Heathcliff with a fiery passion equaled only by their hatred love feelings for each other, but that doesn't mean that it's a bad book. I don't really like Jane and Rochester either--Jane's a bit too retiring and Rochester keeps his wife locked in the attic, for crying out loud--but again, the book they live in is an amazing text.

(Author's note: I will argue to the death that Rochester is a worse man than Heathcliff. JUST TRY ME)

Furthermore, I would like to bring up the matter of the third Bronte sister, the one everyone ignores: Anne! Oh, Anne. Anne is my favorite Bronte and she wrote my favorite Bronte book, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, in which you will find my favorite Bronte heroine, Helen Graham. Helen is AWESOME. She speaks her mind, to men and women alike; she slams her bedroom door in her husband's face and refuses to do him the "duties of a wife" because he's an abusive asshole; she runs away from him and marries someone else. And oh, the book is saucy--vice everywhere, on the parts of men and women both, adultery and gambling and corruption of children! Wildfell Hall was a real bombshell when it was published, and remains a jewel today. Vive Anne and Helen!

So what do we call people who admire Helen and prefer Tenant to either of the two more lauded Bronte tomes? Mouthy Bitches? Feminists? Independents? As Mercedes Jones would say, Thoughts?

Book Meme: Parts 20, 21, and 22

Yesssss it is the meme that will never die. Well, it WILL die. It will just take about four more entries to do so. Like the most long, drawn-out, theatrical, melodramatic stage death ever. Like a shitty Polonious.

Part 20--Favorite kiss: Hm. I must not read very many romantic books. I can think of a few goodies from some recent YA reads--the dream sequence in the Caves of Sighs between Kartik and Gemma in The Sweet Far Thing is pretty damn sexy. I always liked the wake-up kiss Satsu gives Buffy in Wolves at the Gate (as well as their love scene. HATERS TO THE LEFT, as Cleo says). Kel and Cleon's first kiss in Squire is fairly excellent; Kel thinks, Oh my, which is exactly what my first kiss inspired.

Part 21--Favorite romantic/sexual relationship: This is sort of a similar question as the previous BUT OH WELL. Queen of Shadows by Dianne Sylvan has a wonderfully developed romantic relationship between the two main characters, Miranda and David and the pay-off is...excellent. As noted, I liked that Satsu and Buffy got it on, if only that one time. Maurice and Clive's initial relationship in E.M. Forster's Maurice is very sweet and moving, but the decline and fall-out are heartbreaking. Jessica and Marcus in the Jessica Darling books by Megan McCafferty are sexy and smart and fun. Oh and let it be known, please, that this here blogger ships Harry/Ginny all the way and was very happy that they worked out. And had oodles of oddly-named children. It's not really about Harry; I just really like Ginny and am glad she's happy. Haters, please see Cleo's aforementioned evacuation strategy.

(Yeah, Dracula is back. Buffy's banging him, too! Or is she...?)

Part 22--Favorite non-romantic/sexual relationship: Oh friends are so much easier than lovers! Scout, Jem, and Dill from To Kill a Mockingbird, Jimmy/Thickney/Snowman and Crake from Oryx and Crake, Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens, the four mages from Circle of Magic, Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...there are so many. Writing great friendships is something I admire in authors. It's so easy to get lazy and make one half of the friendship a token, especially if the other half is the narrator or main character.

A for awesome

Original, I know. But it's been a loooooong semester so far (plz ignore the fact that we're only four weeks in) and my brain is calcifying.

ANYWAY. Easy A really is quite great. Emma Stone is winsome and hysterically funny, Penn Badgley is much less annoying as Lobster/Woodchuck Todd than as Lonely Boy Dan Humphrey (which meant I could drool over observe his biceps in peace), and I wish Stanley Tucci were my awesome hot dad. Some dudes can really rock the bald thing. Amanda Bynes for some reason now looks a lot like Snooki, but her role in this consists mostly of aping Mandy Moore's unbeatable Hillary Faye, and that's ok with me (I have a weird love for Amanda Bynes. Not the gay kind, which will we get to in a minute). Once it's out on DVD I sense I'll be pairing Easy A with my other favorite Millennials-in-high-school film, Superbad, for nights when I need to laugh.

Of course, the film ostensibly deals with the topic of how girls are treated in high school and the larger society once they've "lost" their virginity (quotation marks used because I loathe that phrase). Emma Stone's character, Olive Penderghast, DOESN'T actually get it on during the course of the film, but since her peers think she does, the effect is basically the same. Overall I liked the way the film dealt with what girls--and women--go through once people realize they're sexual creatures; over-the-top in some cases, to be sure, but generally people ARE assholes about such things, so mostly realistic. However, the movie could've used somewhat of an attitude change about the act itself--there is no conversation in which anyone states that oh yeah, it's actually OKAY FOR GIRLS TO HAVE SEX. The closest the film comes, har har, is Olive's closing line, which states that when or if she has sex is "nobody's business". Which is true. But still skirts the ba-derk-a-derk that having sex is ok. The typical high school virginity comedy shows guys doing it and rainbows and puppies appear, and girls doing it and turning into sluts; Easy A doesn't exactly subvert this as much as revel in it--what Olive does for various boys turns them into studs and her into a whore (which she decides to embrace by wearing lingerie and a scarlet A patch). It's fun and funny and sad and relatable, but still doesn't quiiiiiite make it for social commentary.

I wanted that conversation to happen. I wanted so badly to hear Olive lay it out: WHY girls are turned into sluts when they have sex. The film just doesn't go there. But a failure, the film is not. For what it is--a teen sex comedy--it does far more than the average pretty-girl-meets-cute-boy fare.

...also I just love Emma Stone. She is pretty high on my Would-Go-Gay-For list. Girl has it all--looks, funny, everything--and the bulk of the awesome in this movie belongs to her. I laughed A LOT, which...I mean, I laugh pretty easily, but not always at movies that are supposed to be comedies. This one makes it so. Prepare to strap on your lollerskates.

In other entertainment news, you may be amused or horrified to learn that yesterday I watched all of the first season of Glee in preparation for tomorrow's premiere. My awesome BFF and fellow Glee marathoner DR SHE BLOGGO is doing a posting countdown, so jaunt over and check things out if you enjoy obsessiveness the way we do. :B

Furry bastards

First-ever cat post on this here blog:

(l-r: Ronnie James Dio and King Diamond)

Dio has a fat butt, King D is insane. Typical cats.

I want my TV

Not MTV. You can keep that. But television...I love me the television. YES I HAVE OFFICIALLY GOTTEN PAST MY UPBRINGING.

You see, television in my household growing up was, like, taboo. Reading Rainbow and Wishbone were all I could get away with (and now you know why I am the way I am). Everything else was verboten, and let's do keep in mind that we only got about six local channels. There was very little harm that could be done. Even still, I snatched bits of Batman Beyond and Hysteria and Animaniacs when my mom was at her vet tech classes (and now you know why I am the way I am), and even The Drew Carey Show and Third Rock from the Sun when I was in middle school. I can still sing that damn radio spot that the local FOX network used to pimp out that block of scheduling: "Now after Drew it's time for Dick! What could be more fun? (''Cause I'm an IDIOT!').

(Wow. How much brainspace am I wasting?)

Then we had cable for about a year in high school (so my parentals could watch BYUTV, natch), and I covertly watched VH1 videos in the morning before getting on the bus, and fell in love with Stargate SG1 in the evenings when my parents were out fulfilling their callings. O I was such a bad seed! And then...oh, and then. See, the very weekend I graduated from high school my parents moved to New Hampshire and left me with my grandmother until I went to college. GRANDMA HAS BASIC CABLE, PEOPLE. Lawdy it was a glorious summer. I watched Firefly before it got canceled, Grease about a zillion times because it was on VH1's "Movies That Rock", a good chunk of some season of The OC. It was delish.

And every time I visit dear G-ma, I spend most of my time there eating and watching TV. I love television. Mom would be ashamed, but come on! I still read more than anyone else alive, probably. I have learned to love more than one form of media, that's all. It's like loving broccoli AND cauliflower.

All this to say that I am very excited for the Gossip Girl premiere tonight, and that excitement leads me to wonder if people can be judged by their taste in television shows. I love GG, yes, but I also love Mad Men, everything in the Whedonverse, Stargate and X-Files, LOST (except for that damned finale), True Blood, and pretty much every cartoon Bruce Timm ever touched. I adore Glee. I love Justified. I watch Dexter with bated breath. Some of these fall into some modes or genres, some into others. My reading taste and general proclivities predict that I should be watching Spaced, 30 Rock, Mad Men, and maybe The Office. My musical taste suggests that I ought to gravitate toward Metalocalypse and other Adult Swim programming. My movie tastes indicates that I should be viewing Futurama and Star Trek. Where are these trashy pop shows coming from? What in my psyche sees something recognizable and true in Gossip Girl? I HATE rich people. What does it mean that I really want to watch Nikita and will likely torrent the first ep when I get home tonight? Why do I find Glee endlessly compelling? It ain't because it's deep (it's probably because I love musical theatre).

Television. I have no answers for these very significant questions. Only excitement at downloading tonight's vision of Blair and Chuck making up and having a lovefest right? rich white indolence.

The home within

Dear readers, today I direct your attention to a a recent post on Apartment Therapy which I think is worthy of our time. I love Apartment Therapy (though, is it just me or are a lot of the commenters snipey assholes?) and I love home decor and nesting and other husfrau-y things. I even like cooking sometimes. My mother would be so happy if she could read that! And here is me hoping that she doesn't read this blog.

Anyway.

So this AT post centers around the concept of "the home within us", indicating that the home we live in will ideally be the home that we envision in our heads as what home SHOULD BE. The author and presumably many other people had a different conception of home when they were growing up than what they were actually living in--I suppose most children do; likely it involves a house made of cupcakes or a castle. I love the house that I grew up in (and I will never, EVER forgive my mother and stepfather for selling it when I was 17, so if you are reading this, Mom, YOU ARE UNFORGIVEN LIKE A CLINT EASTWOOD FILM) and there were many fine, homey qualities about it, but the apartment I live in currently is far closer to my inner vision than my childhood home. However, the apartment is still a long way off from what is inside my heart. Behold, three lists!

Future Dream Home of Outstanding Awesomeness: Things That Must Be

+bookshelves. LOTS of bookshelves. A room full of nothing but books, if possible

+media of other kinds--music, movies

+no bare wood except perhaps for the floors; painted wood furniture is all right

+preferably tile floors

+small house, big yard; lots of trees and houseplants; a real garden--lanterns of all kinds, weird statuary, paths that go nowhere (or do they?), stone benches

+a king-size bed and a clawfoot bathtub

+fun art from all over; travel souvenirs and things; postcards

+windows, windows, windows

+bright colors and interesting furniture

Childhood Home: Things That Jibe, Things That Don't

+dark wood, Louis XIV (or whatever) chairs, embroidered seat cushions=yuck

+tile floors=awesome!

+big yard with a great garden=awesome!

+round kitchen table=yuck (I prefer corners. Not sure why)

+"Diana, get out of the shower!"=yuck (Sorry utilities bill, I love long showers)

+always, ALWAYS clean=awesome! and I don't know how she did it

+homemade food at all times=see previous

+a reasonable amount of books, mostly living in my room=awesome!

Current Apartment: Things That Jibe, Things That Don't

+bright colors all over and interesting furniture...well, we're on our way

+no bare wood...again, getting there; the table and chair set will be painted soon enough, as will one of my bookcases

+lots of books, but THERE CAN ALWAYS BE MORE. Same with media in general

+interesting furniture-->well, we do have a bright red armchair and a great eclectic porch set

+houseplants, if I don't manage to kill them o.O

+fun art. I feel like I have a good handle on this--we have a pair of molas, two Haida prints, a screenprint of a photo my uncle took in the 70s with his surfboard, tons of awesome superhero art, interesting mirrors...but again, there can always be more. I love art and will someday have a wall full of framed art.

+queen-size bed. Almost there!

+no yard, obviously, but we have plants and our porch is reasonably green

Our current apartment is very satisfactory. And I like living in apartments generally. But there is always that vision of the home within, something to work toward, something to dream about. What does your home-within look like?

Via Womanist Musings

This, for me, is the last word on whether the Quran should be burned by that idiot preacher in that horrific town in my beautiful state.

NO, you people. The answer will always be no. Whether the book in question is a copy of the Christian Bible, Mein Kampf, the Bhagavad Gita, Ulysses, the Quran, some Kabbalist text that only Jewish mystics can read, Aleister Crowley's Book of Lies, or And Tango Makes Three.

The answer is always no.

Listen up, y'all

AND PLEASE DO NOTE THAT "Y'ALL" IS THE CORRECT CORRUPTION OF THE PHRASE "YOU ALL". Never let any high-falutin northerner tell you different (the spelling "ya'll" hurts my eyes).

SO, there will be no concert review tomorrow, because there is no concert tonight. As noted previously, Kamelot's lead singer, the literally inimitable Roy Khan (my number one metal hottie), is Really Fucking Sick and back in Norway and the band has decided to postpone their North American tour 'til he is better. So y'all will have to miss what usually amounts to me spewing adoration all over the screen--writing is just masturbating without the mess, amirite?--though I confess I was sort of looking forward to seeing what that replacement singer had for pipes.

If I prayed anymore, I'd be praying that Khan recovers from whatever flesh-eating plague he has, because he's hot and his voice is like the darkest chocolate possible, like that 85% cacao Brazilian kind which hails from the most humid depths of the Amazon basin. Except he is Norwegian.

On the topic of prayer, I decided to completely steal a leaf from Eliza R. Snitch's blog (and just what is the cyber version of "leaf" anyway?) and do a profile. For Mormon.org. Written as though I had never become a science-worshipping, man-hating, R-rated-movie-watching short-haired feminazi agnostic/pagan CREATURE OF HELL (though it is worth noting that even when I was a good LDS girl I had very short hair. BAD SIGNS FROM THE BEGINNING). Less do this shit! For giggles. I make y'all, ALL SIX OF YOU, read mostly-boring entries about my hard-on for action films and my favorite books, so have some funny. Note: unless you find religion not-funny, like my sister. HI CARA!

About me: I'm 23 years old, born and raised in south Detroit west Philadelphia Florida. I have been blessed to be a member of the Lord's Church since I was five--well, clearly I wasn't baptized then, I was baptized at age eight like everyone! But my mom joined when I was five, so I count it like I've always been here. I went to the University of South Florida in Tampa when I was eighteen and got my undergrad degree in English Literature. Then I applied to go on a mission, since by the time I turned 21 I hadn't realllllly been on a date ever, and most of the guys in my singles ward thought I was scary and overeducated, and was sent to beautiful Boise, Idaho! Then I came home and am in the process of getting my master's degree in library and information science. Still no dates! I work in for a technical college in the position of assistant librarian and also have been teaching! I have extreme public speaking fear, but I know I was asked to teach these classes in order to work through my fear, and it's been such a blessing.

I love reading, writing, and reading some more. Deep down I love heavy metal too, but I know that kind of music drives the Spirit away, so I stick with good bands like the Foo Fighters.

At church I'm currently called to teach Sunday school and am the second counselor in the Relief Society. I don't have many church friends, and I feel bad about wanting to spend most of my time with my school friends.

Why I'm a Mormon: I know this is the true Church and have a really strong testimony of the prophets and the scriptures. Even though I have never had an answer to a prayer. Also, my mom would be DEVASTATED if I left the Church and I love her too much to hurt her.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the Relief Society?: One of the oldest women's organizations in the world! It's the women's auxiliary in the Church and gives the sisters a chance to be together to complain about their husbands or boyfriends or children, to make ugly crafts, and to learn about how awesome it is that eventually we'll have lots of babies.

How can I know Mormonism is true?: Pray! Read the scriptures and pray. The prophets have promised us that if we read, ponder, pray, and listen, the truth of the Church will be revealed to us. Even though that never happened to me and I read the whole dag-nabbed 4-in-1 TWICE

Do Mormons worship Joseph Smith?: No. He was the first of the Restored Church's prophets, and even though we venerate him to the point where even Catholics would goggle, we DON'T worship him. Our worship is reserved for the Lord.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dudes. This is not even a joke. Well, it IS, but it's also a good estimation of where I would be and what I would be like if I hadn't gone apeshit three years ago (literally--those biological anthropology classes were the catalyst. Lots of apes!). There was no sorta-kinda, almost-there, I-hate-the-Koolaid-but-I'm-still-drinking-it for me. One week, I was at church; the next week, I was as close to being an atheist as it's possible to be for someone who considers atheism to ALSO be a religion. Presumably enough doubt and refusal to tolerate the BS had built up and been squirreled away that by the time that bio-anthro class came around, that was all that was needed: some sort of kicker. After that kick (o hai Inception, it's actually called a "myoclonic jerk"), Fawn Brodie's proverbial winter coat was shucked. It was a relief. There was no guilt, no doubt. The veneer of Mormonism--and that is all it was--peeled off like an old sunburn and I was free.

And here we are. Thanks again, Edgar. You're an awesome teacher and I owe the rest of my intellectual life to that class, and my boyfriend owes you for teaching science so well that it convinced me to take my pants off at looooooong last.

Book Meme, Parts 18 and 19

Part 18--Favorite opening scene: This is a toughie. Let's see...the first pages of Howards End, with Helen's letters to her sister, are pretty awesome. Bridge to Terabithia's beginning, with Jess running in the wee hours, is a practically-perfect setup to the whole story. The opening to The Yearling, with Jody watching the smoke rise from his home's chimney, about to skip out on his day's work and run off to the spring, is about as evocative as they come.

Part 19--Favorite book cover: Favorite book cover ever? Ever-ever? HOOM. Well, I do love the cover of Atonement by Ian McEwan.

Anne of the Island has many editions and covers, but this one is my favorite:

...whew. Sort of a slow day here at the blog. HOWEVER. Thursday I shall have a concert review for you, dear readers, as my favorite band will be in town tomorrow and it should be even more interesting than usual, since the lead singer took sick and will be replaced for the tour by someone else. o.O

Book Meme: Parts 16 and 17

Part 16--Favorite poem or collection of poetry: Hm. I am not much of a poetry fan, that is, I don't actively seek out collections, but I do have definite likes and dislikes. I like a lot of older poetry--Yeats, Keats and Shelley, both Brownings. I also love Billy Collins, who was poet laureate a few years back. I love Gwendolyn Brooks. And I love Thomas Hardy's poems--that's right, he wrote poetry! Not just insanely depressive-yet-transcendent novels. After Jude the Obscure was published, he was so shaken by the general reaction that he stopped writing novels and wrote poetry until he died. This is one of my favorites of his:

"The Voice" by Thomas Hardy

Woman much missed, how you call to me, call to me

Saying that now you are not as you were

When you had changed from the one who was all to me

But as at first, when our day was fair

Can it be you that I hear? Let me view you, then

Standing as when I drew near to the town

Where you would wait for me: yes, as I knew you then

Even to the original air-blue gown!

Or is it only the breeze in its listlessness

Traveling across the wet mead to me here

You ever being dissolved to wan wistlessness

Heard no more again, far or near?

Thus I, faltering forward

Leaves around me falling

Wind oozing thin through the thorn from norward

And the woman, calling.

My favorite poem, PERIOD, is "Merlin" by Geoffrey Hill:

I will consider the outnumbering dead

For they are the husks of what was rich seed.

Now, should they be gathered together to be fed,

They would outstrip the locusts' covering tide.

Arthur, Elaine, Mordred: they are all gone

Among the raftered galleries of bone.

By the long barrows of Logres they are made one

And above their city stands the pinnacled corn.

Part 17--Favorite story or collection of stories (short stories, novellettes, etc.): This is a bit harder. What comes to mind when I hear "story" and "story collection" is kids' books--Winnie the Pooh, The Wind in the Willows, Brambly Hedge, etc. And I do love a number of those--especially animal stories, obviously. As far as "adult" stories go, a favorite collection is a selection by Kate Chopin, collected in one of my editions of The Awakening (yes, I have two). It includes "The Storm", "The Story of an Hour", and "The 'Cadian Ball". Also in the mode of idiosyncratic editions, my copy of At the Mountains of Madness also contains some of my favorite Lovecraft stories: "The Dreams in the Witch House", "The Shunned House", and "The Statement of Randolph Carter". The Compass Rose is an excellent collection of Ursula K. LeGuin's stories; The Adventures of Alyx collects all the disparate Alyx tales by Joanna Russ. And of course I would be remiss if I didn't mention Neil Gaiman's fabulous Smoke and Mirrors and Fragile Things.

(the "tales of terror" bit ain't just a tagline)

White superheroes, assemble!

I promised a friend that I would post something coherent about the Avengers cast listing, so here it is.

(you can insert my dance of rage here if you like. It includes the pounding of fists against the wall, stomping on the ground in my Doc Martens, hissing and spitting, and curse words in a variety of languages)

Point #1: The Avengers already has a ridiculously full line-up--Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow, Iron Man, plus Nick Fury and whatever villains they're using...there's no room for more superpeople.

Rebutttal #1: Actualy, this is a fair point. I can't argue with it in principle. I dislike overcrowded superhero movies (Spider-Man 3 comes to mind, and Iron Man 2 just barely squeaked into the crowded-but-still-good range).

Point #2: Don't be bitching about no women, you angry man-hating feminist! Black Widow is RIGHT THERE.

Rebuttal #2: Yes, Black Widow IS right there. Black Widow also has no business in a team-origin Avengers movie, since she wasn't a member of the original team and--that we know of--she is not acting in a villainous capacity. The only REASON Black Widow is right there is because she was already established in Iron Man 2. Why was she in Iron Man 2? Because Natasha Romanoff is sexy, and so is Scarlett Johansson, and the film needed eye candy. As it played out, "Black Widow" could have been anyone--there was very little about her character in that movie which screamed BLACK WIDOW, which is too bad, because I like Natasha a lot; any superheroine, according to the Powers That Be, can pose and beat people up in a few scenes and wear tight clothing and make Tony Stark salivate.

Point #3: No one likes the Wasp anyway. She's airheaded and shallow and has boring powers.

Rebuttal #3: This is a matter of personal preference, but I also feel that it's sort of a shallow argument. Yes, Janet van Dyne is airheaded and shallow and has boring powers, but her character undergoes significant development over the course of various storylines. Also, if we're going to be shallow, Tony Stark is a womanizing drunk asshole. As far as powers go, she doesn't JUST shrink to wasp-size--she has her energy blasts, and can also grow to several hundred feet tall and gain superhuman strength at that size.

Point #4: What did the Wasp even DO on the Avengers, besides flirt with all the male members?

Rebuttal #4: Uh, she named the team. She also served as its leader on various occasions and was a seasoned strategist. In the Ultimate universe she held two Ph.Ds and was about as far from flighty as possible.

Point #5: You've seen both Iron Man films, the new Hulk film, and you're going to see Thor and Captain America. You knew all along why these particular movies were being made, and what they were leading up to: The Avengers. So why are you pissed off about it now?

Rebuttal #5: Well, it is worth noting that I am not a fan of either Captain America OR Thor, and I don't think the Thor film looks very good. Ok, that isn't an answer. I don't HAVE a good answer. Yes, in the back of my mind as I was watching the Marvel movies and talking about them with my boyfriend, I knew that Avengers was going to be a film of epic bro proportions. But somehow now that it's officially all tied together, it's just rage-inducing. The why of it we will get to in a moment.

Point #6: Edgar Wright is making an Ant-Man film and the Wasp will more than likely be in it. Will that shut you up?

Rebuttal #6: Nope, and here's why. It isn't just about the Wasp's absence from a film about her team. It isn't just about the general absence of superheroines and villainesses from the mainstream comic book movies (because, hello? Marvel might be sucking at this, but DC is too). It's about the fact that BOTH of the biggie comic franchises have really great characters who are female, black, Asian, Native American, gay and lesbian, aliens, robots, and everything in between, but neither Marvel nor DC is putting anything but white men on the big screen. The subtext is still, Only white straight male manly-men sell action films. And there's too much diversity, generally in Marvel and specifically in team line-ups like the Avengers and X-Men, to be anything but outraged when female characters and characters of color are ignored again and again. What will it take to see Heroes for Hire done--or is that line-up a bit too rich for American stomachs (oh noes, not one but TWO black people! One of them's a WOMAN!)? Is it too much to hope for that the Iron Fist movie will have Luke Cage or Misty Knight in it? Would another Avengers line-up, perhaps with Luke Cage, Ronin, and Spider-Woman, have been completely unappealing to the movie-going public? Another target for my ire is the rehashing of the origin story. EVERY MARVEL MOVIE WE HAVE SEEN SO FAR HAS BEEN AN ORIGIN STORY (except for the second Iron Man and that's just because it was a sequel). Why is this still compelling? What would be so wrong with creating a film about a team at the top of its game? If you really just HAD to have some origin in there, what's wrong with a flashback? Do moviemakers really think the audience is so stupid that if a movie opened with the Avengers already assembled, we would be confused? If we were, it would be the fault of bad writing, not because we hadn't seen HOW they assembled.

The tl;dr version of Things Diana Is Sick OF:

+minority characters being shunted to the side

+origin stories

+complete lack of pushing the envelope

+filmmakers catering to the lowest common denominator

+nerd rage only being ok if it comes from fanboys--the opinions of fangirls are automatically invalid, particularly if they are mad about so few female characters getting the spotlight

Book Meme: Parts 13, 14, and 15

Part 13--Your favorite childhood book OR current favorite YA (or both!): Ok. As we know, I was a consummate reader as a child and continue to be. I read a lottttt of weirdo things as a kid; I pretty much read everything I could find. That said, my childhood favorite that is neither The Once and Future King nor The Yearling would probably be This Island Isn't Big Enough for the Four of Us! by Gary Greer and Bob Ruddick. It's hysterically awesome. I read my copy--which I "borrowed" from a teacher, as I recall--until the front cover fell off. Basically, these two tweenage boys go camping on what they think is a deserted little island. They meet two girls who proceed to kick their asses in every way possible--fishing, pranks, cross-country running, everything. Bonus: the boys have a cute little Hansel and Gretel tent. Current favorite YA book is easy; I just got around to reading A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray and IT IS AWESOME. As, hell, I knew it would be, like five years ago when it came out. Now I have Rebel Angels and The Sweet Far Thing on my hold list at the library. Please come in soon, books! I HAVE TO KNOW IF GEMMA AND KARTIK GET TOGETHERRRR.

(girls'll getcha every time)

Part 14--Favorite character in a book (either sex/gender): Hmmm. This is a toughie...there are so many awesome characters throughout literature! Hard question fail. Here are a few of my faves:

+Guenever (the T.H. White version); she is really, REALLY well-written for being...Guenever. Mostly she is boring and/or irritating, right? White gives her the time of day and more, and does a great job with her character.

+Keladry of Mindelan (Protector of the Small, Tamora Pierce); she's the best of Pierce's heroines--in the Tortallverse, anyway--being cool-headed, very self-controlled, funny, hardworking, compassionate, and many other fine things. Her interior monologue is excellent and relatable.

+Lily Bart (Edith Wharton, The House of Mirth); so sorrowful! So full of life! So misunderstood! Tragic.

+Bathsheba Everdene (Far from the Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy); the quintessential Hardy heroine--headstrong in ways that society can't comprehend, beautiful, hardworking, tragic but ultimately transcendent.

+Maurice Hall (E.M. Forster, Maurice); I must just love tragic figures (der). Maurice is the tragicest of the tragic--a gay man as closeted as only a late Victorian could be, who finds love and then loses it and finds it again. A beautiful, sad character and story.

Part 15--Your "comfort" book: I have a few. A couple have already been mentioned, and so I will not belabor them. A few more are The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (not exactly COMFORTING but her prose is so lovely), The Awakening by Kate Chopin (again, not comforting in its themes or plot, but gorgeous and one I love to reread), 1984 (why are all my comfort books depressing??), Saturday by Ian McEwan, Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. Many--maybe most--of my comfort books that aren't kids/YA are things I read in high school. I wonder if that means something.

Book Meme: Parts 10, 11, and 12

Part 10--A book you thought you wouldn't like but ended up loving: This is an easy one--Dombey and Son by Charles Dickens! I read this for a Victorian literature course my sophomore year of undergrad and at the time I was under the (sad, false) impression that I HATE Dickens (for reasons detailed in an earlier post). O how wrong was I. I came away from that course obsessed with Victorian lit in general and a die-hard Dickens fan in particular. A good teacher armed with a good Dickens book is a magic charm and cure-all for every student who comes into college loathing Great Expectations. Dombey and Son is, along with Bleak House, the very best Dickens turned out: hilarious, tragic, layered, modern.

Part 11--A book that disappointed you: Also an easy one. The answer here is The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. Really, really disappointed by that book. I'm not even sure what I was expecting, but it didn't deliver. The anachronisms bothered me (characters use adjectives and other words that weren't coined yet or that they would've had no way of knowing--"sexy" and "clairvoyant" come to mind), as did the deus ex machina-y occurrences throughout the plot, and most of the characters I found uncompelling or downright irritating. Just an overlong, blah, badly written historical non-epic. Meh. Perhaps the miniseries will be better.

("sexy" wasn't coined until 1905!)

Part 12--A book or series that you've read more than five times: Hahahahahahahahaha--oh wait, this is a srs question and I are srs reader. Ok. I'm a chronic re-reader; I love to re-read my favorites and am as likely to read something I know I love as to pick out something new at the library (a bad habit, perhaps, but there it is). So here are a few worn-out covers:

+The Prize in the Game by Jo Walton

+The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

+Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

+Tess of the d'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy

+Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell

+Kilmeny of the Orchard by L.M. Montgomery

+Wrapt in Crystal by Sharon Shinn

+Saturday by Ian McEwan

+In the Hand of the Goddess by Tamora Pierce

+Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling

+Son of the Shadows by Juliet Marillier

Just BAM TRAGEDY IN YOUR FACE DEAL WITH IT

It has come time for me to discuss something I love.

(Oh wait, that's ALL THE TIME. Anyway.)

So, Tamora Pierce is probably my favorite author. Neil Gaiman is a very, very, VERY close second, but of the non-dead people (holla atcha Hardy and Orwell!), Pierce takes the gold--the length of my love affair with her books tips her into first. I mean, I was eleven--ELEVEN--when I read Song of the Lioness and I'm still buying her books as they come out NOW (note: I am 23). I have loved Pierce books for longer than most American marriages last these days.

There are many wonderful things about Pierce books. They always feature awesome, badass, conflicted, flawed, funny, realistic female characters...AND awesome, badass, conflicted, flawed, funny, realistic male characters. That is not something that occurs too often. They are fantasy, which I love. They feature some truly excellent world-building (the Emelan books in particular are Tammy's brain and interests flung all over the page in beautiful arrays of color and culture). They have romance, but not too much, and varied forms of sexuality. They are fun to read and exciting and interesting. They are, in a word, good.

There is one thing in particular about Pierce books which I find striking every time I come upon it: her tendency to write very short, very abrupt deaths. Behold!

+From Street Magic: "The lady raised a finger. The mute walked out of the gallery and dropped his bowstring over Orlana's head, twisting it deftly. Orlana, fighting wildly, tried to get her fingers under it and failed."

+From First Test: "[The spidren] smacked it lips, then bit [the kitten] in half and began to chew."

+From Tris's Book: "The pirate ran him through the chest, his rumpled face showing no feeling."

THIS IS JUST A TASTE, PEOPLE. THIS IS EVERYWHERE. For some reason I really like this style of writing death; no flowery language, no long passages--you're just forced to acknowledge and deal with it, and in the realms and time periods in which Pierce writes, this is so perfect. In a medieval-style world, there is not usually time to stop and mourn. There are casual slaughters and everyday brutalities. Harsh. Devastating. And when you're cruising along through a Pierce book, admiring the dialogue of the characters and the depth of this created culture you're in and thinking about how pretty Daine's hair is and how you'd love to have a darking of your own and maybe some weather magic to go with and hmmm I wonder if there's somewhere I could take lessons in how to use a lance? and BAM SOMEONE GOT KILLED. One sentence, a few words: someone or something is dead.

Which, presumably, is how it happens in reality.

So, in the event that this sounds like the sort of thing you'd like to read, I would recommend starting off with First Test, if you're a teenager or an adult, and Sandry's Book if you're a kid. Happy reading.

Book Meme: Parts 8 and 9

Part 8--A book everyone should read at least once: I do recommend The Once and Future King to everyone I meet (solicited, of course; I don't just run up to people and yell LANCELOT WAS ACTUALLY UGLY SEE IT'S RIGHT HERE READ IT), but the second most-recommended on my bookshelf, and the book I will use here, is American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

I whole-heartedly believe that this is one of the best books of Our Time. I am a huge Gaiman fangirl and this is likely clouding my vision a bit, but dear sweet fuzzy Darwin American Gods is fantastic. Since reading it online two years ago I've read it probably eight times since AND YES DEAR READERS NEIL AUTOGRAPHED MY COPY.

See? Trufax.

(it was the best moment of my life. Sorry, beloved boyfriend)

Part 9--Best scene ever: Wow, this is hard. It's easy to do this with movies, but for some reason books are harder. I'll give it a whirl:

+From The Once and Future King (I have to, right? I'm so predictable): After going crazy and being nursed back to health by Elaine, and then spending a good bit of time in his castle with her, Lancelot is going stir-crazy. And lo and behold, his uncle and the man who had trained him to be a knight, called Uncle Dap, appears at the castle gate, with Lancelot's charger and armor and weapons. Lancelot goes to meet him and picks up his helm and touches the embroidery on its lining. He can smell it on the helm--Guenever did this embroidery, every stitch is hers. Then occurs one of the most beautiful passages in English literature.

"And immediately she was there, not the Guenever whom he had remembered on the battlements, but the real Jenny, in a different posture, with every lash of her eyelids and every pore of her skin and every note of her voice and every articulation of her smile."

How can you resist that? Just ain't possible.

Bring it, Happy Feet!

Rest assured, dear readers: The Expendables is practically perfect. Indeed! The lineup of shoot-first roughnecks is astounding--Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Sly Stallone, Steve Austin, Jason Statham, and Mickey Rourke as a downright poetical former-merc tattoo artist.
 

Whew! Charisma Carpenter's eternally-perfect self also has a minor part, which is a bonus for Buffy fans and people who enjoy beautiful women. I was a bit sad to see that Rourke doesn't take part in the shooting(s...), but on the flip side he wears a bolo over his bare paunch, so. Toss-up. Eric Roberts is, as always, a scene-chewing villain; Stone Cold is his henchmen, who doesn't do much but look scary, which is fine. Terry Crews should play Luke Cage at some point in the extremely near future (I love Isaiah Mustapha very, very much, but after HEARING CREWS SAY "CHRISTMAS"--in a completely other context--all I could hear was the word "sweet" in front of it). Randy Couture waxes on about his cauliflower ear. Jet Li is...Jet Li, which is to say, AWESOME. And, well, I am a Jean-Claude fangirl hardcore, but there is a Dolph Lundgren-shaped vacuum in my heart (like Pascal's God-shaped vacuum, but taller and Swedish). Giselle Itie, the remarkably understated sort-of-love-interest for Stallone, is fucking gorgeous. And WHOA THAT'S ANGEL BATISTA FROM DEXTER! He's an evilish warlord/dictator type, BTW.

(this doesn't happen in the film BUT SLY WANTED IT TO)

The only two flaws, really, were the lack of Jason Statham minus his shirt, and the absence of Jean-Claude Van Damme (I was truly horrified to learn that he had turned down a part. IS THIS TRUE JCVD?? CALL ME)

I love a ridiculous action flick. It's a moral failing, I suppose. I mean, the last time I was at Walmart, I was not only overjoyed to see that in their DOUBLE FEATURE $5 bin they had copies of Bloodsport/Showdown in Little Tokyo and Romeo Must Die/Cradle 2 the Grave, BUT I BOUGHT THEM. The only thing better than one laughably awesome action movie is TWO ON THE SAME DISC. The Expendables so delivers. Schwarzenegger and Willis are barely in it, but their lone scene with Sly is funny and effective. The action is bloody and sharp and lo-fi, and Terry Crews is SO RIGHT about the loudness of a shotgun being really fucking scary. There are mini nuclear warheads, crop-dusting with gasoline, knife-throwing contests in Rourke's tattoo shop. It's a glorious testofest.

Versatile Blogger Award (wow!)

Bahnree of I am, therefore I write gave me this lovely award:

and some instructions to go along with it! Behold:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.

2. Share seven things about yourself.

3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers you've recently discovered and think are awesome!

4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

So, without futher thusnsuch, behold again:

So yes, I was given this award by Bahnree (see link above), whose blog is just full of delectable reads and reviews. I love book blogs! Keep reading, Bahnree. :)

Seven Things About Diana (that are not readily evident from this blog):

1. My hometown is where the John F. Kennedy Space Center is located (holla MI!).

2. I recently had a short story published in the Magnolia journal, which is Florida-themed.

3. I am planning on getting a tattoo which says rex quondam que rex futurus (anyone? anyone?).

4. My parents live in New Hampshire. My mom's family still lives where I consider home, and I spend most family-centric holidays there.

5. I prefer dark chocolate above all others.

6. On that note, the humble potato is my all-time favorite foodstuff. So versatile! So yum!

7. I prefer the term and implications of "womanist" as opposed to "feminist" but don't feel comfortable claiming that term for myself. So a feminist I remain.

And now, fifteen awesome blogs to check out!

1. Already Pretty

2. Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom

3. Daddy Likey

4. Forever Ya: A Lit Blog

5. Forever Ya

6. Dr She-Bloggo

7. The Essential Herbal Blog

8. The Clotheshorse

9. The Liberal Agnostic Who Could

10. The Wild Hunt

11. Feminist Mormon Housewives

12. Curves Ahead Tumblr

13. Rue and Hyssop

14. Will Unwound

15. Academichic