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Thursday, November 30, 2006

IS NOTHING SACRED?

I swear. Disney gets more uppity every year. This time around, I am firmly convinced that the people responsible are GOING TO HELL. Who told them they could make a movie out of Bridge to Terabithia? Furthermore, who told them that it would be a good idea to lift imaginary scenes from the book, change them into real-life monsters and magic, and then call it Bridge to Terabithia as though nothing was wrong?

I mean. Watch this and tell me you're not personally offended. I know I am, and not just because I dislike Disney at large. This is sheer idiocy, warping a classic children's book into a knock-off of a knock-off (and I do mean Eragon). What, was the original story not good enough? The death of some 11-year-old kid's best friend--geez, that's just so five minutes ago, not enough human interest. I find it purely sick that Disney feels the need to cash in further on the sudden 'ooh magic!' craze; will this version of Terabithia also feature penguins, that other Hollywood fad of late? Furthermore, from all appearances the plotline has been moved to present-day, a decision which strips the story of plenty of its meaning. The book's time period is that of Vietnam, a teensy detail which just happens to contribute mightily to the plot, subtext, and conclusion. Would it have killed them to just make up a new title to fit this new film of theirs, instead of cribbing Katherine Paterson's? From what I can tell, this movie bears very, very little resemblance to the book, so why not just make it allllll up??

This is one I won't be seeing. This isn't even on level with King Arthur or the remake of The Wicker Man. Those were bad, very bad indeed, but I saw them anyway, because I like to see things and then complain about how badly they suck. Heck, it's a treasured pastime. This, however, this bastardization of one of my favorite children's books...this will not be getting a dime from me. And if I find out that anyone I know went to see it, well, that'll be the end of that friendship. Disney, don't screw with my childhood--for Pete's sake, don't screw with my psyche. I know I'm not the only person out there who's absolutely going bonkers over this film (whoever you are, let's hang. Clearly we both have too much time on our hands); and I know that for every book-loon alive and shrieking in America, there's eight more movie-loons who will see this film in 2007 and think that the book they never read in elementary school is just another C.S. Lewis rip-off.

It is so much more. It's JESS AARONS AND LESLIE BURKE AND PRINCE TERRIEN, BITCHES. DON'T EVEN MESS.

3 comments:

Jazzman616@hotmail.com said...

Glad I'm not the only one who is both pissed off and flabbergasted at the sheer gall of Disney in putting out this travesty. In case you're wondering, you're #4 on Google under "Bridge to Terabithia bastardization". I was both amused and delighted to discover that I was not alone in finding this description so fitting.

What the hell do they think they're doing!?! The story isn't about giants and fairytale lands, it's about finding friendship and discovering love while growing up in a small town during the 70s! It's not imaginary adventures in Terabithia that was important, but the relationships between characters and the minutiae of life.

Where do they get off making Terabithia real!?! It's fake! Make-believe! A secret place for them to get away, not a portal to another universe! Great job not following the book in any form whatsoever at all. Not "based on" the book. Not even "inspired by". No, you get the "I Robot" treatment: "suggested by".

Diana said...

Hmm, my blog appears in Google searches! Exciting.

Yeah, I kind of held out some small hope that the movie wasn't totally ruined, but then I read an IMDB summary today: "Two new friends create an imaginary land in order to deal with their real-world problems. However, they discover a bonafide magical kingdom in the forest, where they are deemed king and queen."

BULLLLLSHIT! 'Bonafide magical kingdom'? Disney, I hate you.

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