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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Gladiator in Britain

I don't feel like talking about LOST. I will leave that up to the rest of the Internet. Instead, I want to talk about Robin Hood! Disclaimer: I am almost as big of a Robin Hood fan as I am a King Arthur fan (love love love me some British legends, obvs). The Disney version is still my favorite Disney film (even more than Beauty and the Beast!); I've read the Lancelyn Green, Furlong, McKinley, Sutcliff, and Lawhead versions, even the semi-nutty Trease one. Every now and then I rewatch Prince of Thieves for Alan Rickman's delectable Sheriff (and ignore Costner's well-I-tried British accent and Slater's eyebrows and the fact that Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio played Tony Montana's sister in Scarface). Devon Sawa in Robin of Locksley was my prepubescent crush.

(I am a sad sick person, yes yes.)

So it was inevitable that I would see Robin Hood starring, of course, Russell Crowe as Maximus Decimus Meridius and love it, even if it was awful and flawed and stupid. Which it wasn't, mostly. Admittedly I would have LOVED to see what was apparently the original script, with Crowe playing Hood as a villain, or the Sheriff as a hero, or possibly playing Hood AND the Sheriff, or something like that--instead what we got was a pretty standard historical drama centered around the Magna Carta. O the Magna Carta (at least we see John literally torching it, which probably didn't actually happen, but he certainly did give a basic f-u to the barons about four months after it was signed). There are a couple of really notable historical inaccuracies, but whatevs. Ridley Scott is still a good filmmaker (I am basically forever his, simply because of Alien and Thelma and Louise); Crowe, Blanchett, MARK MOTHERFUCKING STRONG, MacFadyen, and Huston are good actors; and I am a sucker for longbows. And there is a relatively good reason for Robin Hood being shown in the trailers wearing mail and wielding a greatsword. Did I mention Max von Sydow? Who doesn't love Max von Sydow? I didn't even know he was still alive. BONUS!

A sad downside to the film is that I don't think my boyfriend will ever see a movie with me again, because I spent our time together afterwards, when we could have been doing more interesting things like taking our clothes off, talking about how the French were stupid for not arming their footmen with pikes and speculating about what the draw weight of Robin's bow was and how now Kevin Durand will never freak me out again because he was jolly Little John and made jokes about cohabiting with sheep. Oh well.

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