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Tuesday, July 05, 2011

It's against my religion

So every now and then one of these idiots pops up and is all But I CAN'T it's against my RELIGION. And somehow they get away with it--whatever "it" happens to be: not providing Plan B to unmarried women at CVS, not allowing their child to get a blood transfusion. E!T!C! as D. Boon would say.

So I got to thinking. What's against MY religion? I'm religious--I'm of the religion of atheism! Y'all want to call it a religion, best respect my religious beliefs. I can see some scenarios where my atheist card could come in very handy.

"I'm sorry, my religion prevents me from providing you with unlimited binder clips and pens for free. You'll have to buy those items at the bookstore."

"No, I can't tell you the location of the closest Hooters. It's against my religion."

"My religion allows me to watch Stargate SGI on company time."

"Well, in my religion we partake of the sacred sacrament fettucini alfredo every Friday, as homage to He of the Noodly Appendages. So we have to go to Olive Garden for lunch today. Five Guys will not be acceptable."

"I won't be at the staff meeting today. It cuts into my religiously-mandated nap time."

What does your religion keep you from doing?


Macha said...

My religion prevents me from talking to the annoying customers, because my religion requires the sacrifice of annoying people.

the_bardologist said...

My religion prevents me from having to read the annoying twitter spam of people telling the people they follow that I hate you and your tweets are awful. I also do not have to read the spam bots tweets that want to follow me for some reason even though the only thing we have in common is a (t.v. show or other general feed)I delete their requests with the up most joyfulness.

Sennaya Swamy said...

Religion is a creation.
Meta Physics is study for every religion.

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