Things I said while watching A Christmas Story (2011 edition)

• I wonder if Peter Billingsley knows he's going to grow up and produce Jon Favreau movies.
• Hmm, Ralphie is a terrible friend.
• I wonder if Randy knows he's going to grow up to be a stoner.
• I wonder if Zack Ward knows he's going to grow up to be rather handsome, and if that makes up for having successfully answered a casting call for "Ugly child, aged 11-13. Terrible teeth. Preferably ginger."
• HOW DO PEOPLE NOT LOVE THIS FILM OMG SOAP POISONING
• Except for the parts where the only black people are villains and the Chinese people are racist stereotypes. How come one Chinese man can pronounce 'R' and the others can't?
• I wonder if the aviator goggles kid who likes The Wizard of Oz knows he's going to grow up to be a child molester.
• BLUE BALLS HAHAHAHAHA HOW DID I MISS THAT AS A KID

Whew, I never post anymore

I guess it's being in a new place--normally that would be exciting and cool and I'd be all over the place discovering things and having lots to post about, but I'm as broke as a very broke thing and have only ventured free places (like the park) and anyway the stress of trying to find a job has made me not very pleasant to be around.

Anyway...Here are some true things.

The thing that my manfriend and I argue about most frequently is Glengarry Glen Ross. He wants me to watch it, I don't.

Raspberry jam is the best jam. With seeds in, naturally.

The new Batman might make you fear owls.

Driving in snow is less fun than you might imagine.

If I ran a chain of nerd-themed brothels, they would be called Eroticon 1-5.

These are a few of my favorite (holiday) things

Despite being a horrible Baby-Jesus-hating atheist pagan feminazi, I kind of love the winter holiday season. These are some of the reasons why.

The Snowman: a lovely little movie made from the book by Raymond Briggs, The Snowman is hands-down my favorite Christmas movie. Find the version with David Bowie's introduction if you can!

Thumbprint cookies: Definitely my favorite Christmas cookie.

A Midwinter Night's Dream: Loreena McKennitt's first holiday album. This CD features both original songs and beautiful renditions of carols and hymns; her version of "The Holly and the Ivy" is my favorite of any.

Christmas trees made out of books: Like so.

The opportunity to buy my youngest cousin books: She reads like it's going out of style, which I suppose it is. This year she's getting two excellent tomes from two excellent authors, Karen Healey and Bryan Q. Miller (Rachel, you better not be reading this)!

Body Appreciation Sunday: Some nerve!

Nerves are a good thing. They tell us when something delicious is baking in the kitchen, when the music's too loud, when someone is touching us just right. And they register heat...and cold.

Oh yes. Cold. My poor nerves are probably wondering if I hate them; otherwise why would I expose them to such strange, bleak temperatures all of a sudden? Well, brace yourself, nerves, because it's going to get worse before it gets better. 28 degrees? It's only snowed twice so far and it's only December. I promise to wrap up in hats and scarves and gloves, and I promise I'll go inside before my extremities start to freeze.

Just let me finish this wander around the park. We never had real parks at home, nerves, we must take advantage! Even if it's very, very cold out. Even if there are tiny flakes of white stuff falling on our head.

Cracked-out music theory #54

Theory: Adam Levine is trying to get into Ke$ha's pants.

Evidence: He claims he's "got the moves like Jagger," while she warns that she "kick[s] 'em to the curb/unless they look like Mick Jagger."

Verdict: Keep making songs with Gym Class Heroes, Adam. They're better.

Body Appreciation Monday: Elbows

I like elbows. They hurt worse than pretty much any other body part when you whack them, but other than that they're pretty cool: they're interestingly shaped, useful as props, and the closest thing the human body has to a natural weapon. I especially appreciate that last function, because here's the thing: doom metal fans are much less polite than power metal fans.

Happily enough, my move to Ohio was inaugurated by a Sword concert in Columbus, a mere 2.5 hours away from Cleveland (I am continually shocked and pleased by how close things are to each other up here). Now I have been waiting to see The Sword live for five years--since they were in Tampa last and played at the skatepark and I had to work that night--and so I was leapingly, terrifically happy when I heard they were going to be nearby. It was a very nice night: there was a bar conveniently close to the venue where I tried out the local IPA (good!), I met two very pleasant young men who happen to also work in libraries, and The Sword is undeniably epic live. There is nothing quite like hearing a band perform the first song of theirs that you loved; in my case, that was "The Horned Goddess." J.D. Cronise had on a Rush t-shirt, the band's demonic touring drummer is demonic, Kyle Shutt winked at me when I walked up to buy tickets before the show, and, well, "Iron Swan" for an encore? FUCK and YES. For Seventies-drenched bellbottom'd rifftastic stoner metal, there isn't a group currently touring better than The Sword.

Image from SkullsnBones

But yeah...doom metal fans. They like to mosh. Which is fine, because I enjoy elbowing people. Everyone wins!