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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Time to tart things up a notch

I am taking a digital leaf out of my dear Princess Slayer's playbook and creating my Top Nine Slutwave Songs! So far, that is. There is no sign that slutwave is going to slow down, which is how I like it.

But Diana! you wail. What on the Lady's green earth is slutwave? It sounds so...so...


Hell ja, darlings! "Slutwave" was named fake musical genre of the year by Rolling Stone, an appellation I'm ok with, but I must say, as with most things, slutwave is as real as its listeners. You see, when women sing about wanting to have sex, it is newsworthy and gets a genre all to itself--when men sing about wanting to have sex, it is called "music". At best it is a silly term and at worst a misogynist one, but regardless...the tunes are fun fun fun. Not to mention: not anything particularly NEW. Which is why you will find some older songs on the following list. There are some overlaps with Princess Slayer's list, but a few items called from the back of my memory and I couldn't resist them. In no particular order:

9. "Oops (Oh My)" ~ Tweet: "Oops (Oh My)" was Tweet's big hit in 2002, from her album Hummingbird and is, to put it mildly, a bit dirty. Choice lyric: "Ummm I was feelin' so good I had to touch myself".

8. "Blah Blah Blah" ~ Ke$ha: Haters gonna hate, but I am low-brow enough to admit that Ke$ha makes some catchy songs (although her name is stupidly hard to spell, well, properly). From 2010's debut album, "Blah Blah Blah" lays out exactly what the singer is looking for. Choice lyric: "Don't be a little bitch with your chit-chat/Just show me where your dick's at".

7. "Like A Prayer" ~ Madonna: for those not in the know, Princess Slayer and I want you to know that this 1989 classic is a kicky metaphor for fellatio. Choice lyric: "I'm down on my knees/I wanna take you there".

6. "Only Girl (In the World)" ~ Rihanna: Of course a Rihanna song is a must for this list--my counterpart chose "Rude Boy" but I'm a bigger fan of "Only Girl", this year's single from Loud. Choice lyric: "I'm gonna make you beg for it/Then I'ma make you swallow your pride."

5. "Hombre" ~ M.I.A.: Oh yes, that's right--if you can parse what she's rapping about, it's right filthy, except when it's about guns or ecoterrorism. Choice lyric: "You can stick me/Stab me grind me or wind me/Fuck, we can even ask your wifey".

4. "Raspberry Swirl" ~ Tori Amos: Gotta have a Choirgirl Hotel up in this biz. This song is just downright sexy, especially Amos being all breathy and satisfied-sounding at the end. Choice lyric: "If you want inside her, well/Boy you better make her raspberry swirl".

3. "Lovegame" ~ Lady Gaga: Most of the Lady Gaga's catalogue could be on this list, but "Lovegame" from 2009's The Fame Monster is the most overt. Choice lyric: "I can see you standing there/from across the block/With a smile on your mouth/And your hand on your cock".

2. "You Oughta Know" ~ Alanis Morissette: A single from Jagged Little Pill, everyone likes yelling this song in the car during rush hour. Choice lyric: "Is she perverted like me/Would she go down on you in a theatre?"

1. "Summer in the City" ~ Regina Spektor: Slutwave doesn't have to be club music--sometimes it's pure poetry! Found on Begin to Hope, the singer tells us just how lonely she is and what she does about it. Choice lyric: " So I went to a protest/Just to rub up against strangers".

There you have it, kiddoes. The very finest in women talking dirty. NEWS FLASH: girls like to get it on, too.

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