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Friday, April 01, 2011

Film Fantasy Friday: Twilight

All right kids, I need to share something with you. I really hated the cast of the Twilight movies. I thought they were done just all wrong and the cast weren't able to evoke the finer nuances of Meyer's novels. SO, on this fine, non-rainy (it had been raining for the past two days here in FL) Friday, it's time to dip into the world of sparklepires and werepedos and come up with something better than RPatzz and KStew.

Bella Swan: played by Ashley Tisdale, Bella is a charmingly clumsy every-girl who has recently moved to the charmingly quaint town of Forks, Washington, where for some reason every male in sight wants to be inside her. She's only interested in one...the sparkly one.

Edward Cullen: played by John Keats, Edward is the centuries-old sparklepire who broods like a champ and refuses to give up his virgin pin. What a drag for poor Bella!

Jacob Black: played by Eli Roth, Jacob is a tall, handsomely dark (as opposed to the white and delightsome Edward) Quileute Indian who happens to have an even darker, furrier side. He rides a motorcycle and has impressive biceps.

Alice Cullen: played by Carey Mulligan, Alice is Edward's "sister" sparklepire. She loves shopping and bouncing around and Bella would really be better off with her than anyone else, but lesbians aren't allowed in Mormonism Forks, WA.

Carlisle Cullen: played by Joseph Smith, Carlisle is the patriarch of the Cullen "family" of sparkly bloodsuckers. His calm, gentle demeanor and glowing golden hair let you know that he's a good guy.

James, Victoria, and Laurent are bad guys, so they don't get last names, and aren't really important enough to be portrayed by anything other than this evil smiley face. Yes, all of them.

And that's how Diana casts it! All images pulled from Google and Wikipedia.


Ain't No Mo No Mo said...

So maybe it's just me, but Peter Facinelli's Dr. Cullen looks a whole heckuva lot like Joseph Smith. I'm just sayin'.

Diana said...

Hahahaha! Great minds must think alike, because I totally posted to that effect awhile ago: http://nomdebiro.blogspot.com/2009/07/just-sayin.html


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