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Friday, August 05, 2011

Film Fantasy Friday: Secret Six

Now, now, before you give me that side-eye, let me explain. Not only did Secret Six end this week, but it's also MOTHERFUCKING SHARK WEEK. How could I do anything else but cast a film with a humanoid shark character? Seriously. So this film would be sort of a Danse Macabre telling, but with all my favorite Six members because I'm greedy that way (so more accurately it would be called, like, Secret Eight. HUSH YOU), and a slew of other characters who aren't cast here because hey, space limitations, etc.

Scandal Savage: played by Morena Baccarin, Scandal is Vandal Savage's daughter and a deadly hand-to-hand fighter. She may or may not be immortal; either way she can regrow a kidney if she needs to.

King Shark: voiced by Jason Scott Lee, King Shark is a humanoid great white shark. He's way more jolly than he should be.

Catman: played by Daniel Craig, Catman's pesky heroic qualities sometimes get in the way of the mission. His boner for a certain former Mob princess doesn't help either.

Bane: played by Tom Hardy, Bane is the inventor of a super-steroid called Venom. This drug, along with his natural physique, makes him into a terrifying combatant. He currently leads the Six.

Knockout: played by Lauren Ambrose, Knockout is a former Fury from Apokolips and Scandal's girlfriend. Ask her about the efficacy of the Get Out of Hell Free card!

Deadshot: played by Timothy Olyphant, Deadshot is a mercenary and expert marksman. Don't even suggest that he and Catman are buddies. They're not.

Rag Doll: played by Ben Whishaw, Rag Doll is a castrated infinitely-jointed bizarro wonderment. If Manhunter were to call him up and suggest they get together for some flogging, he probably wouldn't say no.

Jeannette: played by Liina Brunelle, Jeanette is a French Revolution-era society lady whose husband did a shoddy job of murdering her with an axe. Now she commands the power of the banshee, having at her disposal an ear-rending cry and the ability to sense when a person is about to die (usually because one of her teammates is killing them).

Amanda Waller: played by Loretta Devine, Waller employs the Six to break a certain prisoner out of Belle Reve prison. Being herself, of course there's an ulterior motive or twelve.

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