Film Fantasy Friday: Batman: Hush

I'm just so het up about the various Dark Knight Rises news that I had to delve into one of my favorite Batman stories, Hush, for this week's FFF. Jeph Loeb's story is a bit messy, but the lineup of characters is great, and I think that this arc would make a fantastic movie, should Hollywood ever feel the need to reboot the franchise yet again (or give me a job. Whichever comes first). Hang onto your cowl, 'cause this one is kind of a long one.

Jason Todd: played by Ben Foster, Jason is the psychopathic ex-Robin who's acting pretty lively for a dead man.

Dick Grayson: played by Matt Bomer, Dick has grown out of the short pants and into Nightwing, helping his mentor Batman in the fight against Gotham's united army of supervillains.

Harley Quinn: played by Kristen Bell, Harley is under the thumb of Hush and the Riddler. Not that she minds shaking up trouble, flirting with villains, and robbing operas.





Batman: played by Christian Bale (because in my head continuity THIS should be the final Nolan film), Batman is fighting a baffling war against most of Gotham's most notorious villains, not to mention one against someone he considers a friend.

Catwoman: played by Keira Knightley, Selina Kyle's dangerous alter ego is Gotham's most famous burglar--as well as the love interest of the Caped Crusader.

Thomas Elliott/Hush: played by Ewan McGregor, Thomas Elliott is a surgeon and the childhood friend of Bruce Wayne...who harbors a dangerous grudge.

Poison Ivy: played by Rachel-Hurd Wood (even in my head I require actor continuity within a franchise's movies), Poison Ivy is just one of Gotham's supervillains working with the Riddler and Hush against Batman.

The Riddler: played by Sam Rockwell, The Riddler joins with Thomas Elliott to take down Bruce Wayne and Batman.

Tim Drake: played by Skandar Keynes, Tim is the current Robin. He is kidnapped by a costumed figure who seems to be the late Jason Todd.

Alfred Pennyworth: played by Jude Law, Alfred is Bruce Wayne's long-suffering and completely badass butler.

And that's how Diana casts it! All images pulled from Google and Wikipedia.

Time to tart things up a notch

I am taking a digital leaf out of my dear Princess Slayer's playbook and creating my Top Nine Slutwave Songs! So far, that is. There is no sign that slutwave is going to slow down, which is how I like it.

But Diana! you wail. What on the Lady's green earth is slutwave? It sounds so...so...

Slutty?

Hell ja, darlings! "Slutwave" was named fake musical genre of the year by Rolling Stone, an appellation I'm ok with, but I must say, as with most things, slutwave is as real as its listeners. You see, when women sing about wanting to have sex, it is newsworthy and gets a genre all to itself--when men sing about wanting to have sex, it is called "music". At best it is a silly term and at worst a misogynist one, but regardless...the tunes are fun fun fun. Not to mention: not anything particularly NEW. Which is why you will find some older songs on the following list. There are some overlaps with Princess Slayer's list, but a few items called from the back of my memory and I couldn't resist them. In no particular order:

9. "Oops (Oh My)" ~ Tweet: "Oops (Oh My)" was Tweet's big hit in 2002, from her album Hummingbird and is, to put it mildly, a bit dirty. Choice lyric: "Ummm I was feelin' so good I had to touch myself".

8. "Blah Blah Blah" ~ Ke$ha: Haters gonna hate, but I am low-brow enough to admit that Ke$ha makes some catchy songs (although her name is stupidly hard to spell, well, properly). From 2010's debut album, "Blah Blah Blah" lays out exactly what the singer is looking for. Choice lyric: "Don't be a little bitch with your chit-chat/Just show me where your dick's at".

7. "Like A Prayer" ~ Madonna: for those not in the know, Princess Slayer and I want you to know that this 1989 classic is a kicky metaphor for fellatio. Choice lyric: "I'm down on my knees/I wanna take you there".

6. "Only Girl (In the World)" ~ Rihanna: Of course a Rihanna song is a must for this list--my counterpart chose "Rude Boy" but I'm a bigger fan of "Only Girl", this year's single from Loud. Choice lyric: "I'm gonna make you beg for it/Then I'ma make you swallow your pride."

5. "Hombre" ~ M.I.A.: Oh yes, that's right--if you can parse what she's rapping about, it's right filthy, except when it's about guns or ecoterrorism. Choice lyric: "You can stick me/Stab me grind me or wind me/Fuck, we can even ask your wifey".

4. "Raspberry Swirl" ~ Tori Amos: Gotta have a Choirgirl Hotel up in this biz. This song is just downright sexy, especially Amos being all breathy and satisfied-sounding at the end. Choice lyric: "If you want inside her, well/Boy you better make her raspberry swirl".

3. "Lovegame" ~ Lady Gaga: Most of the Lady Gaga's catalogue could be on this list, but "Lovegame" from 2009's The Fame Monster is the most overt. Choice lyric: "I can see you standing there/from across the block/With a smile on your mouth/And your hand on your cock".

2. "You Oughta Know" ~ Alanis Morissette: A single from Jagged Little Pill, everyone likes yelling this song in the car during rush hour. Choice lyric: "Is she perverted like me/Would she go down on you in a theatre?"

1. "Summer in the City" ~ Regina Spektor: Slutwave doesn't have to be club music--sometimes it's pure poetry! Found on Begin to Hope, the singer tells us just how lonely she is and what she does about it. Choice lyric: " So I went to a protest/Just to rub up against strangers".

There you have it, kiddoes. The very finest in women talking dirty. NEWS FLASH: girls like to get it on, too.

With regard to fleeing to the Cleve

Dear readers, I know you've been anxious to hear all the juicy details about our little trip to Cleveland, Ohio this past weekend. Were you mistaken for a model, Diana? you cry. Did you dine with Little Richie? Well, no to both queries. Liz Lemon, you have led me astray! Alas. However, it was a charming trip. We did not get to see too much of the city proper, since the school my beloved will likely be attending is in Independence, OH (about eight miles from the city), but we did take a trip into downtown on Friday night for a stop at the West Side market and the Great Lakes Brewing Company.

Both quite marvelous! The market is HUGE. And full of tasty things to eat. We resisted buying a whole pig (which you can do, at several stalls) and satisfied ourselves with cannoli and an apple fritter. So many delectable things. If we do end up in the Cleve I will be getting my produce from that market. An entire long, looooong skinny building stuffed with fresh produce! Magical! The Brewing Company was also quite nice--yummy pub food and a great selection of microbrews. I can't wait to try one of their many seasonal ales (the film nerd in me is itching for a Nosferatu Imperial Red Ale. Also it just sounds tasty). They also have maybe the largest selection of merchandise I've ever seen, from ANY company that wasn't Disney World. I mean, they have their own chapstick.

Also...there was snow. Serious amounts of snow. As my sister posted on my Facebook wall, Cleveland is currently about the second-snowiest city in the US. SNOW, PEOPLE. I am a poor sad thin-blooded Floridian. Even ice scares me. I exaggerate a bit; it was actually not as cold as I was expecting. I suppose once it gets cold enough to snow, the chill sort of plateaus. Below is the view from our hotel room. Please note the metal handles of the pool:

As you can see, there was quite a bit of white stuff floating around. I admit I tromped outside on Friday morning and played. Presumably the hotel staff were all giggling at me. That reminds me--if you have the opportunity, STAY AT A CROWNE PLAZA HOTEL. Maybe the best hotel experience I've had (though the Sandman in Vancouver was also aces). They have a complimentary shuttle, people. By "complimentary" I don't just mean "will get you to the airport". I mean "will drive you wherever you want to go as long as you tip them". Way better than a cab! Clean rooms, good food, friendly staff as well. Just an all-around good experience. Our thanks, Crowne Plaza and Cleveland. I look forward to seeing you again.

Meme-in' makes me feel good

'Allo, dear readers. I have spent the last few days in snowy Cleveland, OH and am pleased to report that not only is it a charming city, but my dear manfriend has been accepted into its podiatry school. More on that when the time comes.

For now, a meme! Because it is Sunday and I am eating dougnuts!

What do you read? Mainstream, genre, Young Adult?
I read...whatever appeals to me. I read lots of genre fiction, mainly science fiction and fantasy, I read tons of YA of all kinds, I read graphic novels and comics. I love literary "classics". When I read nonfiction it is likely to be feminist prose or something anthropological.

What do you never read?
I don't much care for romance novels.

Morning reading, Afternoon reading or Nighttime reading?
Afternoon reading is the best. I also like reading before bed.

Bed, Bath or Bus?
Bed!

Hardback or Trade Paperback or Mass Market Paperback or eBook?
Definitely not e-book! I prefer trade paperbacks, but I have lots of mass market because they're less expensive. Some hardbacks are nice, but they do take up a lot of space.

Bookmark or dog-ear?
Bookmark these days. Used to be I could just remember where I was in the book, but my memory is going in my old age. Dog-earing makes me sad.

Alphabetize by author, title, or random?
Depends on what bookshelf. The nonfiction is organized by topic and then author last name; the sci-fi and fantasy shelf, kids books, and classics are alphabetical by last name,

Keep, Throw Away, or Sell?
I used to keep EVERYTHING EVER. I've been paring things down. If I buy something and don't Love It, I donate it or give it away. I usually don't buy things I haven't read, which keeps the library under control. The only books I resell are textbooks.

Short story or novel?
Novels. I prefer to WRITE short stories, but I rarely read them. Funky.

Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks?
I try to do chapter breaks, but that doesn't always happen, depending on time constraints or dozing off while reading.

Buy or Borrow?
I would rather buy. Acquisition of a book usually goes like this: read something at the library or something borrowed, and then if I like it enough I'll buy it. I do buy books by certain authors--Tamora Pierce, Neil Gaiman--because I am generally quite sure that I'll like them. I don't like borrowing because I don't like lending; if people don't give me my books back, I am sad.

Buying choice: Book Reviews, Recommendation, or Browse?
Oops, I guess I answered that one above! How about, reading choice: I don't really read book reviews. I take recommendations from friends and blogs I read online, and I am a big fan of browsing, in libraries and bookstores.

Tidy ending or cliffhanger?
Cliffhangers are ok in serials, but I prefer things to be reasonably wrapped up in a one-off.

Standalone or Series?
I like both! Many genre books are serial, so I have a lot of series at home. But I also have plenty of standalone novels. My favorite books can be found in both.

Favourite book of which nobody else has heard?
The Snow Walker by Farley Mowat.

Top 3 favourite books read within the last few years?
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
Guardian of the Dead by Karen Healey
The Body Sacred by Dianne Sylvan

Top 5 favourite books of all time?
Admittedly this list grows all the time. But there are a few constants: The Once and Future King, 1984, The Blind Assassin, most of Pierce's entire canon, and American Gods.

SNOWPOCALYPSE

Hai guys. SO. As you've probably heard, there is currently snow in 49 of the 50 U.S. states.

Can you guess which state remains snow-free? THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE JEALOUS. It's Florida. Ah, Florida. Even Hawaii can't match your warmth. Of course, by "warmth" I mean "highs of 54 and lows of 30". So not really WARM. But warm...er. Apologies for those people who like to think of these things in terms of "has it ever been done before?", because Florida is making it hard to create a real record. We like to make things difficult (voting, for instance, and paying teachers what they are worth).

I think this is an opportune time for me to write a love letter to Florida. Even though it is mostly a horrible place I am very fond of my home state. Occasionally I feel like I'm the only person here who likes being here--many of the people I meet at my university are from out-of-state and they seem to loathe fair Florida. I can't blame them for missing or preferring their homes, though; I am a big, big, big fan of Dune, but in one respect (ok, in many, although it is far less dated than, say, Heinlein), Herbert gets it totes wrong: when he has Duncan Idaho say something along the lines of, Parting from friends is sadness. A place is just a place. Not so, Duncan! A place is way more than that. Personally I find that leaving a place that I love is often harder than leaving people. You can communicate with people and visit them, but when you don't live in a place anymore, you...don't, and there is no going back, not really.

So here's to you, Florida--land of citrus groves and cold springs and sinkholes and hurricanes, land of Jody Baxter and Clinton Tyree, land of immigrants and rich white northerners, land of Mickey Rat, land of terrible roads and speed traps. There is no place quite like you, and when I leave sometime this summer I'll miss you awfully, your humidity and your mosquitoes too and your way of doing theme parks which is still unmatched. Who else could produce the Holy Land Experience and Celebration? Jimmy and I raise a margarita to you, Florida. Stay sunny.

2010 Brodies

Holy shit, one of my posts got nominated for a Brodie!

Was NOT expecting that. I don't post too often about Mormonism. But I'm very honored to even be nominated. Vote as you will; there are a ton of awesome blogs nominated this year (including Lisa at The Liberal Agnostic Who Could, Carla at Life As A Reader, Donna Banta from Ward Gossip, and Eliza R. Snitch).

Agora (spoilers)

So. On Friday evening I watched Agora, a Spanish film directed by Alejandro Amenabar which came out in 2009. It purports to be the story of Hypatia of Alexandria, the first well-known woman astronomer, philosopher, and mathematician, as well as a morality tale of--depending on who you ask--pagan versus Christian and reason and science versus faith.

I think I will just point out that, for my money, these two interpretations are basically the same, with pagans coming down on the side of reason. Sorry, early Christianity--but pagans DID invent or discover most of what we're still using today toward scientific and rational ends.

I liked the movie, though I found it sort of uneven and oddly paced. People who know more about the topic than me note that the facts of Hypatia's story are up for debate, and that Amenabar takes liberties. But these issues are not really important; the significant bits of the film, which is to say most of it, are there and gleaming and horrifying and true. Still true. Religious groups clashing in violence in the name of their god (s)? CHECK! Religious groups clashing with "secular" governments in violence in the name of their god (s)? CHECK! Religious groups clashing with scientists in violence in the name of their god (s)? CHECK CHECK CHECK! No one comes off looking good in this story except perhaps Hypatia herself--the Jewish, Christian, and Roman-Egyptian pagans all do terrible things to one another: an eye for an eye is the rule of the day in ancient Alexandria.

Of course that is still true, too. It is still true that reactionary groups in my country and other countries care little about facts or scientific data and have no care at all for history. It is still true that pagan and indigenous religions are repressed, vilifed, and distrusted by mainstream religious groups, and scorned by secular ones. My, that was a lot of links! And there are far too many more instances of such events and language. Not much has changed from ancient times, it seems.

Beyond these themes, Agora also shows just how far we've come with regard to women in the public eye, women as instructors of men, women who are unmarried, and women with power. Hypatia is all of these things--a famed and respected philosopher and scientist, an instructor of male students, an unmarried, presumed virgin who publically rejects a male suitor, and a reasonably powerful voice in the agora and schools. At the film's outset she is at the height of her power, teaching science and astronomy to her students, defending the public peace with her voice, and speaking out for all religions. At the movie's climax, she is murdered by a mob, after being accused of witchcraft and seducing the Prefect--accusations backed up by the Christian leader's reading of certain passages from Paul. She is stripped by the mob--as ever men use women's bodies against them--called whore and witch. Hypatia represents for modern feminists an extant struggle: women in the workplace. Often blamed for not being assertive enough, for being too assertive, or for being too pretty, the fact of the matter is that in the United States, women in their workplaces still face plenty of discrimination and wage disparity and few laurels. Again, not much has changed.

And even beyond this, a topic very dear to my mind, Agora hit me one more time: the scene inside the Serapeum when the Christian mob sacks the library. A bit of history--the Serapeum or temple of Serapis hosted a portion of the legendary Library of Alexandria; it is not known how many texts were housed in the Serapeum. This temple, as well as Alexandria's other pagan sites, were sacked in 391 by order of Theophilus, the bishop of the city. In Agora, the Serapeum is sacked by the Christian group in order to get at the pagans barricaded inside. Regardless of historicity, this scene, as well as following scenes which show the destruction of the city's historical and cultural sites and the use of the Serapeum as a stable for animals, was totally shattering to me. That was the point when the tears started. As a librarian today, I see that this destruction is still going on, maybe not physically and with such violence, but the lack of care for preserving history and culture, for teaching and learning, is starkly evident in the US. Libraries all over the country are suffering, some, like the Camden, New Jersey system are closing all locations. For whatever reason, despite public libraries' intense usefulness, they are perennially on the top of the cut list when it's time to slash budgets.

Bottom line: Agora is a beautiful, provocative film. Just be prepared to be very depressed afterward.

Film Fantasy Friday's Triumphant Return: The Blue Sword

Yes, dear readers, it's time once again for my brain (and sometimes ladybits) to run free of the restraints placed on one by time, money, and shadowy anonymity, and bust out a book that totally deserves fame and fortune as a movie!

(I was lazy on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Sue me!)

So here we have it, my first venture into Robin McKinley's formidable catalogue. The Blue Sword, the first McKinley novel I read, is still my favorite of hers and so I have put quite a bit into this line-up. For the Philistines out there, The Blue Sword is a fantasy novel set in the desert-and-hills land of Damar, which is colonized by some white imperial types; the sister of one such is Harry Crewe, who goes to live in Damar after her father's death and becomes embroiled in local politics and warfare (good lawd that is a short and bastardized version...just read the book!). A somewhat pared-down lineup follows:

Harry Crewe/Harimad-sol: played by Samantha Morton, Harry is Richard's sister and an orphan. After being spirited away by Corlath, she becomes a Hill Rider and fights with them against the Northern army.

Corlath: played by Hrithik Roshan, Corlath is the king of the Hillfolk and leader of the Riders. He is also the master of a type of magic called kelar.

Richard Crewe: played by Paul Bettany, Richard is Harry's older brother and a stiff, nervy military adjutant.

Colonel Jack Dedham: played by , Jack is a veteran of many years of fighting and colonizing in Damar. It is implied that he would have been promoted if he didn't love the desert so much.

Mathin: played by Abhishek Bachchan, Mathin is one of Corlath's Riders. He teaches Harry the Damarian language as well as how to ride properly and use a sword.

Thurra: played by Michael Sheen, Thurra is the leader of the freaky-ass Northern army. When I say "freaky-ass" I mean "horses with claws instead of hooves" and things like that.

And that's how Diana casts it! All images pulled from Google and Wikipedia.

What a totally awesome story, can I hear it again?

So last night I was washing dishes and Manfriend's like, When did you make pie and did you eat all of it? Because I was washing a pie plate. I said, Nah, I cooked chicken in this for dinner.

True, if exceptionally dull, story. See, I have a multi-purpose pie plate, a glass one. I only have one casserole dish and that's about the extent of my baking apparatus, because I like to keep my cookie sheets in good condition. So if I'm using the casserole to cook something, and I need to cook something else, pie plate ahoy! If it can fit in that pie plate, into the oven it goes. Things usually turn out fine, though I am sure that if I do this whilst my mother and g-ma are visiting next month, they will turn pale with horror and then order me out of my kitchen.

Such is life.

THIS IS WHAT I HAVE COME TO, DEAR READERS. I have nothing to write about, because my days consist of working, making dinner, maaaaaybe some laundry if I'm feeling spicy, and falling asleep.

BAH.

MEH I SAY

I'm in intense need of dude movies. I STILL haven't seen Tron: Legacy, True Grit, or The Fighter.

I are sad panda. Like so.

Another year

There's this superstition that, on New Year's Day, you should do all the things that you want to keep doing or be able to do in the upcoming year. The day is supposed to set the tone for the year. I like this superstition, almost as much as I like my mom's superstition of buying new shoes on New Year's Day to "get off on the right foot" (though thus far in 2011, I have failed to find new shoes), and looking back over today, I am pleased with the things that I did, both in their basic things-I-did-today state and their more meta this-is-what-I-will-do-this-year state.

It seems to be a nicer way of creating resolutions, without having to actually say the word "resolution" or make a list or whatnot. Your actions create the resolutions themselves. More fulfilling, infinitely simpler, less guilt. So here is what I did today:

+Cleaned: bad juju and dustballs, away! Cleaning is a New Year's trend that pretty much everyone I know engages in. I vaccuumed, cleaned the kitchen counters and sink, the bathroom mirror, sink, and toilet, and put away holiday ornamentations. Laundry of various kinds was also done. For the year: it's good to keep a clean living space; it shows respect to the house and its inhabitants, and is healthy.

+Shopped: ok, I like shopping generally, but errands needed to be done! A shopping bag full of paper towels, cotton balls, thank-you cards, and an iPod case later, we are set for a while. For the year: having the money to buy necessary AND unnecessary items is a privilege and a blessing. Let's hope my cash flow remains reasonably steady.

+Cooked: Boyfriend and I made and ate dinner together. This does not happen nearly as often as I would like, mainly because I often work nights, but I do like to cook--it's fun, usually, and cheaper and healthier than eating at a restaurant. For the year: I hope that more time can be spent cooking and eating with my beloved, and that this will help us to become closer AND healthier!

+Watched movies: this could be extrapolated to going out to movies, watching TV, and playing games, again with my dearest. We like movies and we like watching them together. Relaxation, entertainment, and togetherness in one simple, cheap package. For the year: here's to hoping for plenty of time spent with my boyfriend in the pursuit of fun.

+Wrote thank-you cards: cards were written out to the people who were so generous to me this holiday. Practicing being grateful is definitely something to be worked on every day, and I have so much to be grateful for. For the year: be thankful! Appreciative! Look around and be aware of everything that you have!

+Interviewed: my boyfriend, that is! I asked him some interview questions which might come up when he goes off to visit medical schools this month. For the year: helping and supporting my partner when I can is incredibly important, as is the furthering of both of our educations and careers.

+Flossed my teeth: hee. I am pretty bad at flossing my teeth, but I did just now and it is, as Martha would say, a good thing. I honor my body by taking care of it. For the year: as with cooking food at home, flossing and going to the gym and etc. are ways to be healthier and appreciate and honor my able body.

+Got jiggy: not that you really want to hear this, but yes, pants did come off and so forth. Sex is important for people in a romantic relationship, it's fun and good for your health (if you're doing it right)--it is great overall. For the year: undiplomatically put, spend as much time as possible horizontal.

And that was my first day of 2011. Here's to an excellent year, dear readers! Did anyone do anything wild and crazy last night? We got scolded by an apartment complex rent-a-cop for shooting off fireworks and learned to Dougie. Ah, friends.

Not another list!

Actually, yes. Another list. See, I was inspired by TR's latest list and decided to create my own. With better grammar. And better entries. I mean, I love Malcolm Reynolds and Apollo from BSG is so hot it makes me cry, but I can see where they would not be so great to pursue a long-term relationship with. I also like lady-heroes and, given the opportunity and proper circumstances, would probably not turn them down. Let's lust in equal opportunity, and for Nice People, shall we? Therefore I give you Ten Heroes That Nerds Want To Date (And Why They Should).

10. Mr. Miracle: AKA Scott Free, Mr. Miracle is a bona fide sweetie, a freethinker, a loyal husband...and really flexible. Assuming his single status (though I love Scott/Barda!), he'd be one to nab.

9. The Doctor (9-11): of course I disagree wholeheartedly with TR's placement of the Doctor on their DON'T HIT THAT! list. If the TARDIS dropped into my apartment I'd jump in without a second of hesitation (sorry, dear boyfriend). He's amazingly well-traveled, witty, a natty dresser, and has a sonic screwdriver that--hello??--can open anything. I think you know where I'm going with that.

8. Barbara Gordon: if Babs showed an inclination to swing for the other team, I'd be right there with her. She's smart, she's degreed, she's a librarian hacker badass who can kill you from her wheelchair, AND she has gorgeous red hair. Sold!

7. Hank "the Beast" McCoy: he might be blue, furry, and prone to playing with balls of string, but the Beast is also brilliant, witty, and kind--and, if the way Agent Brand talks about him is correct, a whole 'nother kind of beast in the bedroom.

6. Selene: from the Underworld series of films. Selene is gorgeous, efficient and powerful, loyal, and takes no bullshit. Did I mention that she's gorgeous? 'Cause she is.

5. Indiana Jones: yes, he's a ladies' man, but sometimes that's exactly what's called for. Smart, dashing, and capable of using a bullwhip in allllll the right ways, Indy has a gruff exterior masking that yummy marshmallow inside. Indy will open your world in a myriad ways--whether it's using weapons, hunting down ancient archaeological artifacts, or showing you that sometimes it's ok to kiss and tell.

4. Captain Jack Harkness: similar to our #5, every now and then what a nerd really wants is some action. Captain Jack is The Alien to give that to you. Omnisexual, handsome, charming, flies a spaceship...what more do you need?

3. Hoban "Wash" Washburne: haters please note-->this entry clearly assumes that Wash and Zoe are not married, because their love is too true for even a homewrecker to break up. GIVEN THAT, Wash is just about perfect. He'll play dinosaurs with you and admire your legs and love you forever even in the face of red-headed temptresses with heavenly racks.

2. Leonard "Bones" McCoy: the second McCoy on our list, Bones is, plainly put, a decent man. Smart without being smarmy, moral without being moralizing, Bones is sensitive and a good listener. And benefits from being portrayed by Karl Urban.

1. Dick Grayson: the original Robin, Grayson grew out of the short pants and into a mullet and serious abs, cementing his dreamboat status in the eyes of many a nerd. For an orphan who grew up in the shadows of the Batcave, Dick's head is screwed on remarkably straight, he speaks about eight languages, and his heart is big enough to be nice to the horrific offspring of Talia al Ghul and Bruce Wayne. *swoon*

Top Ten of 2010

It is That Time of the Year--the time for doing memes and making lists. Many blogs and websites do format or genre-specific lists (such as SPIN's annual best records, best singles, best reissues, and so forth), but I refuse to be tied down! Thus my year-end list is all over the map. In no particular order, behold Diana's Top Ten of 2010:

10. Best news site: The Wild Hunt. Specifically geared toward pagan and other minority religious news, The Wild Hunt is penned by Jason Pitzl-Waters, a thoughtful, excellent journalist all around. The comments are full of a great variety of people from many religions and paths, and though there are occasional dust-ups, remain some of the most civil comment threads I've seen anywhere online.

9. Best radical feminist: or at least most amusing and incisive, is Twisty Faster of I Blame the Patriarchy. Her strident, hyperbolic, generally loud style of news reporting (and I use these adjectives in complete awe and appreciation) make for reading that is both fun and--to use one of her signature phrases--lobe-blowing.

8. Best boyfriend: mine, of course! Dear manfriend, for cooking, cleaning, taking care of the furry bastards, downloading Wham!'s entire catalogue to your phone before we drove to Georgia, and generally being awesome, here's to you.

7. Best heavy metal album: Poetry for the Poisoned, Kamelot's newest offering (of course! I am nothing if not predictable). View the video for their single "The Great Pandemonium" here on their MySpace page.

6. Best movie: haters gonna hate, but make way for Inception. And people, there was a metric FUCKTON (to be scientific about it) of Movies Diana Loved this year. But the Nolan tour-de-force takes the cake--for making lucid dreaming seem possible, for giving us Tom Hardy, JGL, and Ken Watanabe in snazzy suits, for making pranking your friends a lot easier. The prank, of course, is setting your most neurotic friend's alarm clock to play "Non, je ne regrette rien" when he or she wakes up in the morning.

5. Best blog for news, opinion, storytelling, and more from women of color and other minorities: Womanist Musings. The author/editor, Renee Martin, blogs her own views and news as well as welcoming contributors of all stripes.

4. Best paranormal fantasy book: Queen of Shadows by Dianne Sylvan. Not Sylvan's first book (her others include The Circle Within and the excellent The Body Sacred), this is her debut fiction effort, a sexy, funny, smart entry into the ever-widening canon of vampire-centered fiction. Bonus: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Serenity shout-outs!

3. Best fuck-you song: "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green, of course. Duh.

2. Best validation of my wit: Topless Robot's Superhero Tweets contest gave my entry an honorable mention. As Kamelot would say, ONE DAY I'LL WIN.

1. Best friend: as ever, the witty, smart, compassionate, inimitable DR SHE BLOGGO. Newish to the blogosphere, her blog is already linked all over the web (mainly for her Glee insights and awesome graphics). Read! Follow! Love!

And A Very Amiable Festivus To You

Normally I am all for the Airing of Grievances, but this week I am feeling right jolly and rather serene. So I will leave you, dear readers, for the holidays and wish you all well, and return next week five pounds heavier and a few giftcards richer.

Peace and blessings.

So help me God, yellow eyes!

There are many wonderful things about this time of year, some of which I enumerated in a previous post. However, I have not yet elaborated upon a very specific tradition of the women in my family: watching A Christmas Story as many times as possible between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

My boyfriend, poor soul, freely admits that he does not understand this at all. He is not really a big fan of the movie, having been exposed to it rather late in life (read: he hadn't seen it until he met me). But my sister, mother, and I--oh, we can't get enough of it. I HAVE been known to watch this extremely seasonal movie out of season (DR SHE BLOGGO's May birthday party, I am looking at you), but I do prefer to view it in its proper wintry season, in the following manner:

1. Get home on Christmas Eve in time for my aunt's dessert party. After stuffing my face with enough pastries to give all of Florida diabetes, retire to my grandmother's couch to catch the first viewing as TBS begins to air its "24 Hours of A Christmas Story".

2. Wake up on Christmas Day and have breakfast. Post-eating frenzy, flip on TBS and resume viewing in whatever point of the story is on the screen. Perhaps I have dropped in on the Chinese restaurant goose; perhaps Ralphie has just broken his glasses or said his first curse word; perhaps it's time to show Mommy how the little piggies eat. Wherever the movie is, I watch. And laugh like the ape that I am. I know the damn movie by heart--it doesn't matter if it's an hour in, I'll pick up the storyline and go from there.

3. Sometime Christmas afternoon, migrate to my best friend's house. And, after visiting with her parents and sister, plop to the living room floor, flip on TBS, and do it all again.

It just does not get old, folks. It is the movie I will never be sick of. I've probably seen it more times than I've seen STAR WARS or 10 Things I Hate About You. It is just, as Ferris Bueller would say, so choice. I didn't live through the Fifties (thank all the gods), so this is what that era looks like to me: hideous fashion, weird toys, heavily buttered food, oblivious husbands whose wives laugh at them obliquely. 95% of the film's lines have made it into popular parlance. My sister and I used to have a string of mini leg lights that we decorated with this time of year; hardly a substitute for a real leg lamp, but we make do. The first time we showed the movie to our mother--in a Williamsburg inn when I was about 12--she laughed through THE ENTIRE THING. Tears streaming, sides clutched.

So there you have it: Diana's most cherished holiday tradition. Classy people have churches and Masses and candle-lighting and special foods or drinks they make each year...I have Ralphie and Randy and Scut Farkus. Speaking of which, apologies to Zack Ward, who actually grew up to be extremely handsome. Peter Billingsley also did well; he was in an after-school special about steroids which my classmates and I watched with horror in high school health, and now he produces movies like Iron Man.

Black Swan (spoilers)

Things I am now terrified of after seeing Black Swan: swans, Natalie Portman, fingernails, nail files, feathers, masturbating, Barbara Hershey, mothers, ballet, Frenchmen, Winona Ryder, girls from San Francisco, mirrors. However, it could've been worse--I realized last night that Aronofsky COULD have chosen to use The Nutcracker instead of Swan Lake, and then I'd be doomed, because I'm already pretty scared of The Nutcracker.

Um, also it was a great film. I actually am not sure what to say about it beyond what's been said already; it was a very intense viewing experience and I still feel a bit high-strung. Dear readers, when you see this film, please remember to bring a bottle of wine to chug afterwards. Or some anxiety meds. It is definitely a horror movie. There is blood and disturbing body imagery, and many jump-out-of-your-skin moments. It is quintessentially Aronofsky.

I really like Darren Aronofsky films. I love Pi: Faith in Chaos, The Fountain, and The Wrestler. I may cautiously say that I loved Black Swan. I dislike Requiem for a Dream but understand why it's important (it certainly isn't BAD, it's just very hard to watch), and I have not seen Below. Given that I have seen almost all his movies, I don't know why it's taken so long for me to realize that he's totally an auteur, with the major theme being dreams and goals and how they affect a person. You are all probably saying "Duh!" but last night I found it a revelation, for lo, I am slow. Black Swan is definitely, completely in this ouvre. My boyfriend, who did not see it with me, asked after I got home and was babbling about it if it was similar to The Wrestler. At first I was like, ...eh, and then about ten seconds later was like, IT TOTALLY IS!, and then everything crystallized. Of course this Theme makes me intensely interested in how he'll go about directing The Wolverine, given that the main conceit of Aronofsky films is that the dream or goal drives the main characters, taunts or haunts or torments or seduces them, to an eventual endpoint of glory or destruction (or both).

Black Swan, like I said, is a quintessential embodiment of Aronofsky style. There is body horror in the mode of "this is happening to my body, I can't control it" a la Izzi's scene in The Fountain wherein she realizes that she is no longer sensitive to heat, and psychological horror in the mode of "I can no longer trust my brain", as when Max's mind begins to betray him in Pi, and the shocking effects of obsession on the body and mind together (just pick a film, this happens to all his characters). If you're a fan of his previous films I would heartily recommend this new one. Beautifully shot, beautifully acted, frightening, compelling, funny, sexy: it has everything. Too, I am interested of course in the ways in which Nina (Natalie Portman's character) is molded, against her will or no, by kyriarchal forces. At one point the main male character, Thomas, asks the male prima ballerina if he would "fuck this girl (Nina)", with the clear answer being no. In a broader context, the need for Nina to be fuckable by men would be non-issue, but in the context of the film there is reason given for this criterion: the Black Swan alter ego is undeniably seductive. Can a woman who has never experienced sex portray seduction believably? Of course for a Hollywood director to ask such a question is inherently laughable, and for the "cure" for a tightly-wound virgin to be sexual encounters of various kinds is an ancient cliche. However, I found that Nina was such an unreliable narrator that the plot itself transcended its baseline, reasonably simple love story. In some ways the use of what is basically softcore girl-on-girl porn to further Nina's career (I think Twisty would use the word "enpornulation" here) IS offensive and irritating and a fall-back, but I found that to view the scene as something that did not literally occur--something that is a fever dream born of Nina's mind--made more sense within the context of the movie, since Nina sees many, many things that are not there and carries out many actions which have different effects in "the real world" as opposed to her mind. I venture that, like other of Aronofsky's movies, the question of free will is an important one; where does Nina's overpowering desire to be a dancer come from? Her controlling, infantilizing mother, who gave up a dancing career to have her daughter? A genuine love and talent for dancing? In this equation, Nina's entire world is dictated to and for her. She has been created by outside forces, chiefly kyriarchal ones, and they continue to control her until she loses (or refuses) control completely, when it had previously been her idol. This allows her to achieve her greatest goal but also destroys her. The entire film, in some ways, is an indictment of our current system.

Also, I kinda want to dress up like the Black Swan for Halloween next year, because the costume is gorgeous and would be pretty easy to do...but I'm totally terrified if I do I'll turn into a swan. QUANDARY.

Film Fantasy Friday: The Blue Castle

Aaaaah, you knew it had to happen eventually. Being the Montgomeryite that I am, and in particular the Valancy fangirl that I am, 'twas inevitable. There are NO SPOILERS in this very pared-down line-up; I would encourage you to read the book and find out just what spoilers I might be talking about.

Valancy Stirling: played by Kristin Kreuk, Valancy realizes upon her 29th birthday that her family is hideous and her life completely stifled. She leaves home, causing quite a scandal, and sets out to do things her way.

Barney Snaith: played by Ewan McGregor, Barney is the town rascal--mysterious and always in his shirtsleeves. No one knows where he's from, who his people are, or just what he does for a living.

Abel Gay: played by Brendan Gleeson, "Roaring Abel" is a disreputable old drunk with a heart of gold.

Cecily Gay: played by Amanda Seyfried, Cecily is the daughter of Abel Gay and is wasting away of consumption. She had a child out of wedlock--rumored to be Barney's--and after leaving her family Valancy takes care of Cecily and keeps house for Abel.

And that's how Diana casts it! All images pulled from Google and Wikipedia.

If you didn't look closely...

You would likely mistake me for a sad librarian spinster, similar to the one that George's wife in It's A Wonderful Life would have become if he had never been born.

(Which, by the way, is just ONE of the reasons I detest that movie.)


Let me take a metaphorical cam pic for you: here I am, sitting on my couch in DC superhero sweatpants and a "Club sandwiches not seals" shirt at 8PM with two cats and a box of those delectable Belgian chocolate seashells, indulging my lady-boner for Roy Khan.*

(um, yum?)

(Kamelot really needs to release a new live DVD. Or TOUR HERE PLEASE. Either one will do. I need me some bombastic power metal in the flesh on at least a yearly basis. Please get better, Khan!)



*In fact, this scenario is mostly why my boyfriend likes me. I have the feeling that if I ever got the chance to get nekkid with Mr. Khan, Boyfriend would high-five me.

The wish list

In my attempts to keep my snot-ridden, coughing ass awake at work (previous attempts today include not-at-all-clandestine Echo Bazaar-ing, doing every crossword puzzle in the building, and eating an entire bag of iced gingerbread cookies), I give you the Completely Unreasonable Holiday Wish List, 2010 Edition, in no particular order. NOTE: until Blogger makes it EASY to post pictures again, images will be restricted to my film posts. Seriously, WTF Blogger? Way to "fix" something that wasn't broke.

10. The Sater sofa: from IKEA, of course, this sofa is gorgeous and Jeremy and I fell in love with it the first time we went to IKEA together. In our joint-brain it occupies our Future!Home in Canada. IKEA's product picture looks black, but really it is a glorious dark brown.

9. "Lilith" pendant: from Etsy seller santiamnaturals. Beautiful pendant necklace, in gold and blue.

8. "Padme Nouveau": from Her Universe, an awesome online shop created for us girl Star Wars fans. The Padme t-shirt is just one of their wondrous offerings.

7. TARDIS cookie jar: along similarly nerdy lines, the TARDIS cookie jar from ThinkGeek is just calling out to have its very own spot on my kitchen counter.

6. The Historical Thesaurus to the Oxford English Dictionary: oh yeah, I would sacrifice babies to have a copy of this.

5. The "Graphite Drawing" dress: from ModCloth, of course. I love the hourglass shape and mod details.

4. "Queen Bennet" bedframe: from Jordan's. I LOVE metal bedframes, probably a consequence of reading too much fantasy in my formative years. This one is perfect.

3. "Julia" Frye boots: the perfect "if Anne Shirley were a hooker" boots, amirite? From Frye by way of Zappos.

2. The entire set of Animorphs: including the Alternamorphs, Megamorphs, and Chronicles books. SOMEDAY, PEOPLE.

1. Yoga retreat at Salt Spring Island, BC: Two words: oh yeah.

Blarg

Yes, I have some version of the blarg. I suspect posting will be slim this week as I will be spending the bulk of my time at work trying not to fall asleep and my time at home indulging in my favorite cardinal sin.

In happier news, I have just learned that I've won a signed copy of Queen of Shadows! Suddenly my day is much brighter. Awesome and sauce.

Film Fantasy Friday: The Dark Is Rising

Hello, dear readers. I know, I know--you pined and balsamed after I deprived you last Friday of a wildly overblown book-to-movie cast. Let me make it up to you! Let me create a cast for one of my favorite books, a book which was in recent years very, very badly served by Hollywood, a book which is such a primo Christmas story that I reread it every year around this time. You are correct, ladies (I don't think there is a gentleman among you): it's time for the Dark to rise. Let it be so! Keep in mind: this is a very pared-down cast, since the Stanton family alone has eleven members.

Will Stanton: played by Hero Fiennes-Tiffin, Will finds out on his eleventh birthday that he is an Old One and must seek out six Signs, coveted by the forces of darkness.

Merriman Lyon: played by Ian McKellen, Merriman is a Lord of the Light and Will's mentor. He miiiiiight also be Merlin. Oops, SPOILERS.

The Lady: played by Helen Mirren, the Lady is one of the greatest of the Light.

Hawkin: played by Ian Holm, Hawkin was once Merriman's liege man and loyal to the Light (enough Ls in that sentence?), but he betrayed them and became the Rider's servant.

The Rider: played by Gary Oldman, The Rider or the Black Rider is Will's main adversary and a Lord of the Dark.

Miss Greythorne: played by Maggie Smith, Miss Greythorne is the mysterious lady of the Manor, the largest and oldest house in Will's village of Huntercombe. As gradually becomes clear, Miss Greythorne is also one of the Old Ones.

And that's how Diana casts it! All images pulled from Google and Wikipedia. Also...I know what you're saying. Ian McKellen for the wizard, really? IT HAD TO BE DONE. So that his t-shirt can say "I'm Gandalf, Magneto, and Merriman Fucking Lyon."

That winter holiday

Full disclosure: I LOVE CHRISTMAS. That is, I love the winter holiday season--I don't love the goddamn motherfucking assclownery that is the shit-for-brains "culture warriors" ruining things for everyone else.

But I don't want to talk about them. I want to talk about things I love about the month of December, because lo, they are legion.

1. Music: I really, really like Christmas carols, despite me not being even a little Christian anymore. I particularly like just simple instrumental versions of carols, particularly in public places while I am shopping. Much more calming and lovely than Jessica Simpson's Mariah Carey rip-off. Some of my favorites include: "Good King Wenceslas" (the loooooong version), "Far Far Away on Judea's Plain" (which I used to make my Young Women's girls sing when I was the Laurel class president, and no one ever knew the words except me), "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day", "The Holly and the Ivy", "Corpus Christi Carol", and "O Holy Night". I love Loreena McKennitt's two holiday albums, To Drive the Cold Winter Away and A Midwinter Night's Dream and heartily recommend them.

2. Food: As we all know, I love to eat. I also like baking and cooking, so the winter season is a great time of year for me and peeps like me. My favorite cookies to bake in the winter time are fudgy bonbons (which are a chocolate dough wrapped around a kiss, then drizzled with glaze after baking) and pecan kisses (pecans dipped in meringue and baked). I also love making mulled cider and wine, and I have an awesomely easy and tasty recipe for fudge--basically, melt together baking chocolate, sweetened condensed milk, butter, and your flavor of choice--peppermint and orange essence are great, as is mixing in peanut butter chips or marshmallow fluff. Christmas with my mother's family at home is great because we normally do a "non-traditional" dinner; no goose, ham, or turkey. Last year we had a fab gumbo, and this year we will likely do some kind of fish. One of my aunts always hosts a dessert party at her house Christmas Eve...yeah, she's one of my favorite family members.

3. Traditions: tradition! Ok, Fiddler on the Roof digression over. My family doesn't really have too many traditions--my mom buys me and my sister a Hallmark collectible ornament each year and we generally try to watch A Christmas Story as many times as possible on Christmas Day. Personally I like to watch the gorgeous, emotionally crippling film The Snowman every year too. This year was really the first year that I got to decorate my apartment exactly how I wanted, and I was sort of surprised at how much I DID want to. I like greenery and lights for the winter season, and that's about it, so now we have some mistletoe in our kitchen doorway, a wreath and some small sprigs (fake pine, of course :/), and white bistro lights strung up over our sliding glass door. Our bedroom has a teeny tree decorated with my assortment of Hallmark ornaments, goddess figurines, and stars, and surrounded by gifts. And candles--candles everywhere. I love candles at most times, but especially during the winter holidays, so many of which revolve around light.

4. Gifts: I love, love holiday shopping. You may commence thinking I am a bizarro now, but it's one of my favorite things to do. I like finding gifts that my loved ones will enjoy and I think I'm pretty good at it. I love wrapping gifts, although I am TERRIBLE at it (back me up here, DR SHE BLOGGO). I love the look of a tree with many gifts under it, waiting to be given away and torn into and loved. I love getting things in the mail that are pretty and funny and functional, not just bills and spam. And yes, of course, I love opening my own gifts. Especially if they are books.

5. Learning: every year around this time I like to bust out my old favorite winter holiday books (Little House in the Big Woods, The Dark Is Rising, etc.) and read new items, online and in bound books, about this time of year. There really is an astounding number of winter festivals around the world. Personally, I don't celebrate a holiday around this time in a religious sense--mostly I use the season to celebrate my loves and friendships and all the good things Lady Fortune has bestowed on me. I do like some of the exterior decorations and symbolism found in winter traditional holidays, specifically Yule or Christmas trees, candles and other lights (which are found in a variety of traditions, from Christmas to Yule to Solstice to Diwali to Alban Arthan to St. Lucy's Day to Saturnalia and Sol Invictus celebrations), and the red/green/white color theme, the origin of which is attributed to many cultures and celebrations.

Do you enjoy this time of year? What do you love or not-love about it? Do you have any particular traditions or celebrations?

An exercise in creative definition

But, first things first: it is 46 degrees outside, people! 46 degrees, Fahrenheit. In Florida, at noon, in December. RIGHT FUCKING ON.

Onwards.

So, I have somewhat of an obsession with Captcha--you know, that thing that lots of people use on their blog comments to make sure that the person commenting is a human and not a robot (which, droid rights: post for another time). I love the weird scrambles of letters, because oftentimes they look and sound like real words. I think someone with more time and brainpower than me should create a board game similar to Balderdash using Captcha terms. Barring that, here are some of my favorites, culled from various blogs, which I have now defined. Let them henceforth enter the common parlance:

• thillin: v. when one is both thinking and chilling at the same time. This is a common state for villains; note: similar to "highfalutin", there is no ultimate apostrophe. Example: "I was thillin the other day and came up with a sinister plan for world domination via RPGs."
• bilene: n. like baleen, but for cetaceans who go flirt with everyone. Example: "I met a whale shark last night with a gorgeous set of bilene."
• uratess: n. a noxious effluvium generally found to issue from the anal appanage of nervous Labrador retrievers. Example: "We'll need to shut Marley up in her cage when Grandma comes over; we don't want her producing that awful uratess in her excited state."
• bugan: v. humans who subsist entirely upon insects, arachnids, and arthropods. Example: "Oh my god, I am totally bugan. Have you tried the roasted water beetles down at the Exo Cafe? So nommy."
• ungst: n. a specific type of angst which incites in the bearer the urge to clean all the things. Derived from Felix Unger. Example: "I had a bad case of ungst this morning and now the toaster oven is spotless."
• nutwons: adj. to be completely nuts over people named Antwon. Example: "My sister's lab partner came over last night to work on a project and now I am completely nutwons for him. He prefers to be called Anthony...I just don't get that."
• fructi: n. the Finnish word for smoothies. Example: "Erik brought me an awesome fructi while we were camping in the wilds of Nuorgam. I have no idea where he found a cafe!"
• psescor: n. where phased-out brand name drugs go to die. Example: "Oh, I work for a pharmaceutical company. My job is to toss all the old versions of boner pills into the psescor."
• ramiting: n. very rare medical condition wherein the sufferer vomits up male sheep. Example: "Lester had a screaming bout of ramiting last night, so we decided to have mutton this year for Christmas dinner."

Ok. Now that I've exposed my extreme dorkdom yet again, I think I'll go process some books. Happy Monday, dear readers.

Poetry jam, Steinbrenner High School media center

My blood is a line stretching back to
old places and brutal ways of
women who keep their mouths shut.
My mother, long-suffering, developed a
splitting headache
in the withering damp heat of August 1987,
and I sprang fully-formed
from the intricacies of her mind.
No.
There was blood,
and my mother opened her mouth and
screamed--
the birth-howl,
the inverse of the shriek of the banshee
which my mother's mother's mother's mothers
brought to this country from Ireland,
the birth-howl which heralds life
though babies,
in the flush and blood and terror of their new present,
long for death.